I had to come to terms with other things too. Not just the loss of someone who meant so much, or the fact that I felt like I'd lost everything, but my sexuality. For 5 years I believed I had it all figured out that I knew exactly what I was, who I loved. But then it all started to confuse me and the fact that I couldn't label it just upset me more.
I tried to push all these feeling that I had away because I thought they weren't normal, because I thought people would treat me differently, like I wasn't normal. But then I learnt that it's never a choice, and its only what feels right. It takes time, it doesn't always just come to you one day, and I learnt to accept that. I missed the feeling that I got from having a label, but in a sense, I felt better knowing I wasn't lying to myself.
She taught me that. She taught me how to accept myself. She taught me that there are going to be people, even people that you love so dearly, that are going to disagree, but you just have to be you.
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I struggle still in loving myself, I watchmyself look in the mirror and beat myself up about how I look, about things Ican't change. I do it every day. It never helped that people constantly madefun of it either, even my close friends, but I was too scared to tell them tostop. I'm constantly called too skinny, too flat, too short, too tall, and atthis point I don't fight back, because I have this small voice in my headtelling me that it's all true, that I really am. I believe them.
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The Girl With The Mask
General FictionIt's a story of a girl struggling with depression and how she lives every day outside her own body watching herself hopelessly fighting her battles.
