through beers and smokes | beidou x ningguang

shorts : beyond time

approximately four years ago...

Ningguang.

As far as I had known, I have never really been attracted to someone nor fall in love with them. I couldn't comprehend the fact that my heart seemed to have stayed frozen over the past few years, unable to feel infatuated and attached. Back on high school, I was never really interested at the word called love, even until today anyways, for I have viewed it as something beautiful but intoxicating at the same time. In fact, I never believed in love because of all the things that could possibly happen which could lead to the dead end.

What if the love that they are expressing is only temporary and not forever?

What if I'm not good enough to be loved in an eternal?

What if one day, they would suddenly get struck by a lightning metaphorically and eventually lose the spark at our romance?

A lot of what if's that pulls me back from falling in love with someone.

But someone... someone I knew is exceptional.

She made me feel special, loved and everything you could ever think of. She even treated me like her queen, goddess, princess, a lady, and what more which finally sounded a beat at my long ever cold heart.

Even though with her love actions, I repay her with my coldness. Apparently, she didn't really care about with the way I approach her because what she cares the most is how we are able to spend the time together.

Indeed, she was different among my suitors but that time, I hadn't seen and realized it all... I was blind...

People would honor me being the most intelligent person in college but when it comes to love, I'm basically a failure on it.

Only realizing it by now that I messed things up and lost the only one who loved me very uniquely.

My one that got away

It was morning that time, a great day for a coffee outside when I wasn't really expecting to walk across someone I hadn't been in touch not so long ago. Someone that I really missed talking and laughing with. Not to mention that it took us five years to cross each other's paths again. Though a part of me is full of curiosity because ever since I left Liyue to study at Fontaine, we never really contacted each other and that really worried me the most. Also for a fact that I knew Beidou wouldn't leave things just like that because she's the type of person who would always check upon me but clearly, my expectations weren't quite right. Then a thought hit me like a bullet, remembering the night I left her, it was her birthday and the fact that I forgot about her and abandoned her behind. It was heartless of me to forget the person who had been endlessly remembering me ever since the day we first met. Honestly, I shouldn't be well suprised with the way she's acting and also for a fact that it's normal for her to avoid and hate me like that. But still, I wish to face her and apologize and right now is my greatest chance and I shouldn't let this opportunity pass.

I didn't know but as soon as I saw your face again after years it made the sleeping butterflies on my stomach wake up all of a sudden. That familiar gaze of yours that I had been longing to set my eyes upon made my heart want to escape from its chest.

Beidou, why only I realized this time that I had been liking you from the start?

You simply entered the café but I know that it would take 0.001 percent chance for you to notice me back here. It made me smile when you looked so innocent lingering your eyes around. Still, I hesitated for a moment so I took this minute to adore you. Suprisingly, your whole appearance had changed nevertheless, you still looked charming, charismatic and beautiful with your poise. Seemingly perfect with your innocent gaze. I noticed you've grown taller and built bulkier. Your eyes seemed sharper now though I don't know the reason why you're suddenly covering your other eye. All in all, your face and beauty is mesmerizing that it would make all the ladies line up for you. Beidou, I didn't know why I'm saying all of those out of the blue but right now, I'm telling you that I am so in love with you even though it took me so long to realize that.

This is it, my chance. The moment I was waiting for.

I was about to stand when all of a sudden, an unfamiliar woman walked towards you and trailed their hands along your body. You were surprised but it still made you smile. As you finally found the person you were looking for, you wrapped an arm around her waist and guided her at one spot. And there's one thing I noticed which broke my heart ten times more, the way you look at her, it was also similar with the way you were laying your eyes upon me.

I clutched my fists and went back to my seat, feeling helpess at all. Not being able to do anything but to only stare at how happy you are with your new lady. I mean do I even have the courage to face you? After all the things I had done. Anyway, it's really no use for me to suddenly approach you at this time when you're currently busy with someone else. I hate to interrupt but a part of me itches to come closer to you.

Why, Ningguang... Just why you were so late to catch up with your feelings...

When you're staring at her, I get this odd feeling that I'm the one you're giving me that kind of look. It's safe to say I'm jealous but why do I feel mad at myself?

Apparently, your lover's face seem to have blurred my vision whilst its focus is only set upon yours.

You caressed her cheek, the same way you did at me when we were in highschool and college. I couldn't help but to visualize that I am that woman you are currently supposed to date if it wasn't for my dumb feelings before.

You now lay your hand on top of hers then gently set it against your lips to plant a soft kiss on it. I didn't know how I was able to read your lips but I caught what you were saying somehow.

I love you, Signora.

It shattered every bit of me. Seeing you happy with someone else engulfs me into flames. I hate to break it to you but Beidou, supposedly, I should be the one you still love.

You smiled at her, the same one you gave me years ago while that lady of yours were saying something that made you stare deeply to her beauty, also the exact same look you gave me. You are so in love with her to the point that you are also focusing your eyes on her. Just like what I'm doing right now.

I suddenly had the urge to set things right and clear up my feelings but my heart couldn't deny the fact that I'm really liking you even though your heart is taken by someone else.

Well, I was wrong, who in this world would like the same person in seven years?

I realized, there is no such thing as love.

Love has no effect on me.

Maybe I have the poison which made love avoid me somehow.

But, nevertheless, I should stop liking you, Beidou.

a/n: hello hows everyone doing? hows inazuma for yall? pretty isnt it <3 although im kinda sad because i lost the 50/50 again :') mihoyo gave me the wrong cryo character but anyways idc ill still keep on wishing <33 how abt yall? did u finally get cryo waifu ayaka?

also for those who are still wanting to get ayaka i wish yall good luck !! <333 may all ayaka wanters be ayaka havers!!

srry for the very late update i was too busy doing nothing jkjk xdd here u go baddies <3