TW: severe panic attack
Please be cautious if you struggle with anxiety!
This chapter is rather heavy in the second half, especially if you listen to the music I provided on loop. The beginning of the panic attack is marked with "!!!" and the end with "%%%". Please, please be careful! You won't miss anything plot-wise if you skip the passage.
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"Go find the lake by the willow tree
Down where they offer a dove for free
And many a good man drowned
There you might be found
Before all is lost and you—"
"Narae!"
The girl startled at the shout. Her voice broke and the haunting nursery rhyme she sang died on her lips. The snowflakes dancing around her froze mid-air for a moment and then dropped to the ground suddenly.
Her vibrantly blue eyes widened when she noticed the ice on the ground around where she sat, inching up the willow tree and far onto the path where Jaebeom came towards her.
Narae took a deep breath and willed the ice and snow away. It evaporated into the air without leaving a trace behind but the ruined grass. A pang of guilt made Narae almost flinch. Maybe she could ask Yugyeom to nurse it back to life later.
And then the guilt was followed with indescribable sadness. Sharp like glass shards and burning like acid.
All that surrounded her was death. All she brought...was death.
Strong arms scooped her up easily. Cocooned her gently in warmth as she was placed on a lap. A rush of tender affection flooded from Jaebeom's part of the coven bond, trying to fight off the icy self-loathing that threatened to drown Narae.
And his magick reached out to mingle, to ground her and calm down the raging iciness all around her.
"Reconnecting is still giving you trouble, duckling?", Jaebeom asked as he sat on the ground with Narae firm in his arms. The girl lifted her head from the dead grass and let snowflakes appear to dance around her fingers. Ice-blue eyes never straying from the sight.
But she felt Jaebeom's magick warm and thick like syrup, too. And it reminded her that not all was dead and cold around her.
"The longer I wear the bracelet the harder it gets to control the ice afterwards", she replied. They had pushed the limit to almost seven hours the day before and she had needed the entire night to recover from it. Her brows furrowed slightly as she felt the unforgiving pull of her magick.
"It's as if you're caging and starving a predator. When you let it out you won't be able to control it." She sent the snowflakes up into the air and looked after them. A vulnerable longing in icy orbs.
Jaebeom nodded slowly. "It's a matter of balance", he said and took a careful glance at the pretty girl on his lap.
"A balance of body and mind and magick and...soul."
Narae rolled her eyes at that, tilting her head back down to lean against his shoulder and nuzzle her nose into his neck. Seeking the warmth and love she needed so desperately.
"Did you come to pester me about soulmates again?", she sighed against his skin but there was a tiny, fond curl around her lips. As much as the topic annoyed her, she knew that Jaebeom just meant well and his incessant nagging came from a place of love and care.
"Your soul and magick are obviously yearning for them", he simply answered, not looking at her but up into the sky where the first streaks of pink and pale blues heralded dawn. A new day. A new beginning.
One he wished desperately for his youngest coven mate.
Her day had been stuck right before dawn for four years now. A new day that hadn't yet broken through. A sky not yet bright enough for dawn but neither dark enough for night. Stuck. Unchanging.
"Well I won't find them behind the wards and I won't find them when I wear the bracelet", Narae huffed in slight annoyance as she stood. Her bare toes wriggling in the grass. "Which means, I won't find them. Period."
Something ached in her chest, deep and hollow, as she said that. The words tasted like acid and ash on Narae's tongue. But she also felt them ring true in her magick.
Jaebeom sighed and stood too. "I know, duckling", he whispered. "I know." Bitter sadness clung to his words like tar. He took a deep breath and squared his shoulders.
If he could he would make the situation differently. But it was a tricky one and the safety of his entire coven was at stake.
Maybe he could risk talking to Solar at the next summoning...
YOU ARE READING
Soul Bound
FanfictionLife and death were inherently different things. Even in a world of magick. Everyone knew that. Those lines began to blur, however, when Narae awoke although she very clearly should be dead. It couldn't only be because she was destined to soul bound...
