Heartless

Bad Liar

Power Power sirens screamed wait is that how his name is seen?
5 to 6 years ago, I met this guy online. He was breath taking, he seemed dominant and his eyes never had that sparkle that everyone had. That is the first thing weirdly I would look for when I see a guy. When we first spoke, I could see that alpha side of him, it was always there for all to see. He seemed picky with the girls that he spoke with, he was smart he was continuously studying and age was surely just a number on the board for him until today. He made everything seem so easy. I was quite jealous of him, how he carried himself was something that I looked for in a man, I was inspired and I would be proud if that was my man.

He would always ask if we could meet, day by day a little seed of hope started to grow within me, I was hopeful to see him. I was never sure back then if he wanted something specific in mind from me *wink wink* or not, I do not remember hearing anything like that from him. All I knew was I had to see him for once. At least.

Well like every downfall I seem to expect, I found out that he had a girlfriend, I found pictures of them on Facebook, they seemed very happy with each other. I do not know if jealousy is what drove me over the edge every time I spoke to him, it made me angry somehow. With every angry text, he then knew that I found out that he was in a relationship. I remember him saying that it had been years and he was not sure of what he wanted anymore but I was never interested in hearing any of it.  I do not know if I thought I was never going to be the same as her or it was just the 'usual jealousy' burning through, it somehow made me pick a fight with him every single time we spoke.

Tick Tock, time flew by, before I knew it, a year had gone by, I never missed him until he texted me to meet him at the airport before he flew back to the state he was in. I called one of my best friends to come along with me. Some things are just meant to stay in your head forever. I will never forget that day, we had to travel from Seremban by train, it was early in the morning on a Saturday, we got down and had to take another train to get to the airport. Although it was tiring and expensive because back then we were just students, we made it into a memorable journey for sure. We were laughing and taking pictures at the airport, we sat in Mcdonalds and I received a text saying 'I am coming over to where you are' my heart was beating fast and I was excited. We had been planning for days! My best friend was right there smiling away like an idiot, what was she thinking? It will be a movie scene?

Well we both thought wrong! He came into McDonalds he was on the phone, he walked around a couple of tables, we were right at the corner, we were watching him for like 3 seconds and he left. My mouth dropped to the ground and my best friend was just frozen in her seat. She encouraged me to call him so I did. He never picked up. We both never spoke of it and we just left the airport by bus. I received a text from another guy saying that he saw me at the airport and I looked nice. Well I tried. We got home late at night and we bought ice cream for ourselves.

Of course he apologised for that, Of course I nodded and accepted it. It happened again in the year of 2020. He made sure I was prepared to spend time with him, cancelled my plans, cancelled classes, prepared pretty clothes so I could see him after work. He ditched everything at the very last minute. This happened twice in the span of 3 months. He texted, not even called, few minutes before I was supposed to meet him. The second time around he made plans but never bothered to show up or say anything about it on that day itself. I was not angry like he said but man I could hear myself saying 'You're dumb Carol really'.

He apologised for it all. He would give it off as a joke and it never seemed like a thing to him. He said his parents were looking for a bride a couple of months back, he was looking forward to get married next year once they were ready, he never shared much about it, he made it feel neutral. Somehow I felt like all the lies or all the hope he has given to me will die off with it. Even yet, he is still trying to pull this into a direction that seems completely hopeless for the both of us. Part of me wonders now what is wrong with him, a part of me wonders now would I still want to see him? What was I even waiting for?

What would be the ending for this?

Let me go let me go, cried the girl... no no the wind hurled.