Heartless

Overgiving

Sweetheart sweetheart his name rhymed with, how hard was he to be with?

It's been a while since I last updated, it was a few weeks off to just sit back and to think of everything that I had to go through in life, including my dating life. It has been tough, just crying and letting it all out at 12 am almost every day. I deleted every dating app that I had, for the time being, I think I've met enough of guys for now to know, to confirm that yes I am indeed tired of it.

Let's get to the story....

Here's a man that I got to know through a dating app. He started a conversation instantly and it lasted for days. He was charming with his words, he had light brown eyes and he had a smile that could win over anyone's heart. He kept his conversations light and he was pretty straight forward whenever he spoke. He would tell me how amazing I was with children, he would remind me every night that I was doing great with my job. I felt like I was, I loved working with children, I do not see myself doing anything else. I loved how supportive he was. He had his own business and he was pretty busy most of the time, he would text me randomly but he ensured that every day I would hear from him. He made time for me. I was somehow a little important to him, at least that was how I felt. I never talked about him to my friends much, I wanted to meet him first before I decided to share about him.

I decided to meet him when I was back in my home town, we met on a Saturday night at his place. We had a few drinks and we spoke the entire night, we did not do anything extra than that, we held hands at times. He spoke mostly about himself and I shared about myself too. It was good to have a normal conversation without having anything sexual in between. I remembered when it almost 2 am and he told me there was a place he would like to bring me to, he drove us there immediately after I agreed to it. It was a hill top overlooking my home town. It was cold and breezy, he wrapped his arms around my shoulders from the back to keep me warm, he slowly kissed my right cheek and we watched the view. It felt like we were in a movie for a minute, the city looked beautiful with its bright lights. Right after that, he drove me back home, he held my hand while we spoke a little more in the car.

I did not hear from him for almost 3 days and I did not want to text him first either. I thought maybe he was not so interested after all. I was wrong. He texted me saying that he had important things to tell me and I wondered what could it be.

Well guess what?

He told me that he has 2 sons. Young boys at the age of 3 and 5. I was surprised when I saw the text, it took me sometime to reply but he texted again. This time he explained on how he divorced his wife a couple of years back and he has the boys to take care of occasionally now after the divorce.

I was somehow trying to accept the facts and move forward with him. He was established in life, he has goals, he was nice and tall, I thought to myself let's give this a shot.

A shot who knew would drag me into their mother's place in a short period of time. I was there to hear everything about the kids, I was there ready to take care of them and so much more. Although I love being around kids, at that time I was afraid to have my own compared to where I am now. I was terrified that the boys were becoming aware of someone new in their lives and they enjoyed it. To be honest, I did too. They needed love and just someone to take care of them other than their father.

I did not push much on it but I kept it going. As much as I gave to one side I thought somehow I would win my way into his heart. He was suddenly so focused and happy that there's someone to do all the other duties for him. It was just sad, I was not dating him I was basically his on call babysitter or somewhat.

I had to slowly withdraw myself from the whole situation. Quietly I refused every invitation of his to hang out and what not. It was frustrating for him, I could see it through his texts, he would call endlessly till I pick up, he would try and try.

After sometime, the texts were decreasing, I found out through a third person that he was seeing someone new. Wow, that was pretty fast. That someone new who was doing the same things as I was doing once for the kids and him.

I did not know how to feel about it, my heart and mind were so blank about it. It was tiring to think back about it. I gave that much for a person but who knew that he would find a replacement easily.

Ever since I found out, I have never heard from him till this date. I do not think I would like to either.