Heartless

Say Yes to Heaven

"Say yes to heaven, say yes to me... I've got my eye on you"
Oh Lana Del Rey, If only you knew.

I've been waiting for a moment like this.
This is what I've always imagined, right?
I was finally living in a book of my own.

A conversation which started with "Wanna watch the final F1 race together?" and ended up as a fairytale in my head, let's see shall we?

We started planning towards the final race of the year last week, we promised each other we wouldn't watch it on Sunday, instead we'll watch it together on Monday at his place.
I was super excited with the plan, I resisted from watching the final race alone in Seremban. I distracted myself with all the political issues in Malaysia during the weekend.

As Monday arrived my head was in another space of reality, I was just looking at worse case scenarios like maybe he would just cancel on the plan at the very last minute or maybe he will stop replying me but boy was I so wrong. He was texting in the afternoon to ensure that I was going to head over to his place. He planned on the snacks and what time we were going to start.
I was getting excited but somehow I was quite nervous, I was planning to cancel on it at 6pm, I was thinking of excuses until my best friend Anna decided to push me far from even thinking about it.

I texted him saying that I was heading over, the ride towards his place was intense, I was just feeling butterflies in my stomach.
The Grab driver arrived in a very posh looking place, it was right in front of KLCC, even the guards looked very posh, more like bodyguards to celebrities. I quickly called my best friend and told her that this was a bad idea, I was already nervous ok!

As I put her on loudspeaker, I texted him saying that I was waiting downstairs and he replied instantly saying he was taking the elevator. My heart was beating so fast as I saw him coming out of it and walking towards me. Pictures online did not do him justice as much in real life, he was a 60/10. He looked amazing! Anna was loud over the phone "is he coming towards you? Hello? Hello?" I couldn't answer her because I was so stunned by the man walking towards me.

He is a 182cm tall, lean, he was wearing a black t-shirt with brown shorts. He was waving as he came out and instantly pulled me in for a hug. He smelled so good and my head was right on his chest. He is from Central Europe, take a wild guess where's he from?

As he opened his door to his apartment, I was stunned by the view, it was literally right in front of KLCC. He quickly opened his laptop and we watched the race together, before that he put his phone on silent and he showed me as he did so, we were talking about the drivers, and in between he would lower the volume to ask about my hobbies and so on.

His eyes sparkled beautifully under the lights from the view outside, I loved the black ring on his middle finger as he ran his fingers through his hair. He looked like he could be Charles Leclerc's older brother if you asked me. He was just really handsome, I was just shy and I could not even form my sentences properly, I was quite embarrassed with myself, I am a person who talk a lot! A LOT! There I was with nothing to say and smiling away.

After the race he threw me a pillow and he had one in his arms too, his place was super cold with two air conditioners aiming at the sofa we were on. He told me how I was not making any eye contact with him and asked me if there was anything wrong.
I giggled and told him that I was just feeling shy because one for sure he was hot!
He laughed and said "It's a compliment then for me"
We laughed here and there guessing about each other. He then told me that I had to look into his eyes for 10 seconds. He counted softly as I looked into his eyes, he was smiling as he was confident I was going to look away which I had to do for a bit until I sucked it up and maintained the eye contact.

Let's cut the story a little shorter here, he leaned in for a kiss very slowly, I closed my eyes as I could feel the edge of his nose along mine and moving across my right cheek, and my heart was just about to explode right there when he just kissed me.

I've never felt happier that he did make a move but everything was just right at that moment. The KLCC view and its lights, his perfume, the way he held my face, the way his lips moved, just everything. I felt like I was in a movie, a book of my own. I could feel him smiling into the kiss.

He laid his head on my lap, we cuddled for for a bit, it was so quiet, and I told him how relaxing and peaceful the atmosphere was.

When you're constantly wishing for something and God finally throws something more to you, what would you do?

He was living life on the edge, constantly travelling between countries and places, he enjoyed the adrenaline rush, random moments and the joy from doing things others would think twice to do so.
He does not drink alcohol, he does not enjoy being in a club, he loves meditating, he likes sushi! Little things that I learned as I left that apartment in the middle of the night.

Today's Tuesday, all I could think of was how we kissed and Lana Del Rey's song was playing after I left "say yes to heaven... say yes to me"
It was stuck in my head. It just kept playing in my head the whole evening.
I decided to text him and he replied and we had a conversation going as usual for a short while. Life's all about giving it a shot isn't it? So why not especially after all this chapters of Heartless, another heartbreak is waiting around the corner perhaps.

He does not belong here in Heartless. I want to leave this memory here. It is the adrenaline rush I'm leaving behind, one day when I look back I will remember this guy because this will remind me of how I could have an amazing guy who just liked me for me, watched something that I loved so much together and made me feel like I was in a fairytale world far from reality for a day. Any girl would be lucky to be around him, any girl would be lucky to be treated the way he did, very simple but it just clicks.

Not heartless but heartfelt.