The Darkest Swan

Chapter 4

-𝓖𝓮𝓷𝓮𝓿𝓲𝓮𝓿𝓮-

In a world where you eat, sleep and breathe ballet, nothing else matters.

Sometimes even if you go above and beyond it still won't be enough, even if you take every extreme measure, you still won't have what it takes.

It chooses you, just as much as you choose it.

Your figure must be aligned perfectly. Your head must be in proportion with your neck and your body should be short, but your legs should be long. Rules are put on your body from the moment you decide to pursue dancing.

So yes, maybe I've induced a few eating disorders this week. Maybe I've brought up a few of my past ugly habits into my daily routine. It's not like I can help it. It's not like I can shield my eyes when I see someone thinner than me. I've decided to not punish myself for it. Everyone does what they have to do to succeed, and I'm not gonna miss out on my destiny because I didn't have what it takes. 

I'm so close.

It's been a week since the first day of rehearsals.

It's finally Saturday and I'm beginning to feel the effects of the back-breaking work every alumni has warned me about. My feet are bruised and bloody. My brain is full and taking on more information by the minute and my entire body is achy. I've also never been this tired in my entire life.

This school takes '6 days a week' practice very seriously. I don't take breaks anyways. Even on Sundays, I'll be first in line to reserve the practice room. It's obsessive. Apparently, whoever my father was, had the same obsessive traits and he passed it on to me, along with my brown hair and brown eyes and the nervous blush I get whenever I'm in an anxiety-induced situation. If it weren't for the pale skin I've inherited from my mother then maybe it wouldn't be so obvious.

"Do you think they've gotten bigger?" I pause looking down at my boobs and cupping them in the large mirror in the practice room.

Lionel grunts. "It's too late for this."

"Oh, I'm sorry your highness," I say dramatically. "I didn't know talking about my boobs was resigned for 10 AM, My mistake."

He chuckles. "11 AM, at least."

I resume my stare in the mirror. "They look like boobs are supposed to look Gem." Lionel snorts. 

"What are boobs supposed to look like?" I question with humor in my tone.

"I don't know... round?" He looks unsure, which makes me laugh.

I laugh. "Round?"

"Yeah like... I don't know. Why are you asking?"

I shrug. "Just wondering."

He shakes his head suspiciously but he lets it go. "Well, it's late, we should get out of here."

"You go. I need another 30." I wish I could stay all night.

Lineol huffs dramatically. "I'm not leaving you here to walk home alone."

I laugh. "I have pepper spray. I'll be fine." I say, not without humor. "Besides, I don't need you to protect me." I say sarcastically. Lionel could barely protect me from a mosquito, let alone a whole person.

He shrugs. "Suit yourself, but don't come crying to me when you get robbed."

"Robbed of what? My ballet shoes and my metro card?"

"Uh-huh." He backs away, towards the door. "It happens." He waves goodbye as the door swings shut.

Now that I'm alone, I put on piano music and I go through everything. And I mean everything.