Blue Rabbits

SECOND PART

The second part of our idol journey unfolded with the ex-members packing up their belongings in preparation for their leaving the dorm. They would leave in two-days' time after the farewell party the next day. The documentary team had to shoot these moments of them packing up leading to their actual leaving. And in this period was my interview for our documentary film.

It was the day of the farewell party that I was scheduled for the docu interview. Coincidentally, I was wearing the same white blouse I wore in our MV shoot for our third single. I would say that I was comfortable with interviews as I was used to it in the course of my idol journey but this didn't mean I was confident in answering questions thrown at me.

When I entered the interview room, there were only three people inside - the director/interviewer, his assistant/writer and the camera/audio staff. Direk assured me that it was okay to not share very confidential matters and if I would like to share some, I could tell the team to edit or censor some details to preserve the confidentiality of what I would want to share. After the ice breakers, we started the interview.

"How do you feel after the Second Cherry Pick?"

"The Second Cherry Pick is probably the saddest day of my Cherry life. It's already been two days after the Pick, and I still could not absorb what had just happened. After the event, most of us went home but some girls stayed in the dorm since their homes are in the province. It's only today that we are complete because we have a schedule. It started like a regular day for us like some went to their schedules while some were left in the dorm doing our usual routines but then some members who did not make it were instructed to pack their things up, and it was only then that we felt that they were really going to leave. It's really sad...knowing they need to say goodbye." I was holding myself back from crying.

"Among those who did not make it for the Second Pick, who were you closest to?"

"Mira"

"Were you able to talk to her after the Pick?"

"Yes. Actually, we just talked to her a while ago when she was packing her things."

"What did she tell you?"

I breathed in to compose myself before I breathed out Mira's valuable parting words. "She said sorry. I did not know why she needed to apologize but she said sorry for not being enough. She knew she did her best but it was still not enough to make it. She really wanted to be with us as a co-member, reaching for our dreams together as a team until we rise to the top and represent the Philippine flag on the international stage. She said sorry that when the sun rises tomorrow and the following days to come, we will wake up from different homes, wearing different uniforms and identities. She said that in the next events, we will not be able to perform on the same stage anymore as co-members but she will be in the audience cheering for us as she watches us reach for the dreams we once created together." Saying the last line prompted the tears to stream down my face like waterfalls.

Mira did not need to say sorry. It was us who needed to apologize to her for not being able to save her. We failed her, and the system crushed her dreams. Looking back on the irony of what occurred last Second Cherry Pick - from Ms. Anya's speech to the results announcement - I felt rage inside. I had this unexplainable madness within because of everything that had happened. I felt betrayed and toyed with. If only I could turn back time, I would be more vigilant and critical-minded so I would not fall prey to them, and save Mira and ourselves from this emotional torture.