Charm is a member of the idol girl group, Cherry, managed by the Japanese company, Make It Entertainment (MINT). A chance encounter with her co-member, Lily, opens a Pandora's box that reveals what happens behind the camera, off the stage and beyond...
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The launching of the sixth single MV marked the end of an era. Half of the pioneer Cherry members left after the launch, including me. It was a huge blow to MINT and a massive heartbreak for the Shields. We were beyond grateful for the love and support they poured us. They were our stronghold during our battles and storms but this time, we had to choose ourselves and fight our own battles not for them, not for other people but for us - for our peace and sanity. Giving up or leaving is not always a sign of weakness or wasted opportunities. Conversely, it is claiming your power to make your own choice of letting go of what does not serve you and choosing to move forward to more opportunities and possibilities.
My three years with Cherry allowed me to redefine words which I thought I knew the meaning of, and this journey also taught me new words which will forever be ingrained in my heart.
Topophilia
Topophilia came from the Greek words topos which means "place" and philia which means "love of" so it was the word for "love of place". The word has a rich history as many philosophers, poets, writers, psychologists and geographers reinvented the meaning of the word. A poet stated that topophilia is "a special love for peculiar places". Another poet argued that it is not love of the "place" per se but the sense of history that the "place" epitomized. A psychologist redefined that the word meant the cultural link to the place.
I could not comprehend the meaning attached to the word topophilia until a sense of nostalgia was evoked in me. I drowned in yearning every time I saw our photos, watched our videos or when any fragments of our memories together as Cherry presented itself. I was longing to be in that place and time again of moonlight and roses.
Freedom
Isaiah Berlin, a liberal philosopher, discussed the two kinds of liberty in his essay, "Two Concepts of Liberty". He stated that the two concepts of liberty are negative and positive liberty. Negative liberty is the "freedom from external constraints" and is associated with the statement, "I am slave to no man," while positive liberty is the "freedom from internal constraints" and relates to the statement, "I am my own master". The boundaries of freedom are subject to discussion as humans are interdependent beings. Freedom for some may mean restraint for others and what freedom means for one is different from another's concept of freedom.
Being an idol was the path I chose to take, and clearly, it was not an easy path. I had to trade-off some of my liberty in order to pursue my goals. No matter how I anticipated the hardships and adversities, the fear, anxiety and depression crept in me like a phantom thief that robbed me of my freedom, happiness and peace.
How can I be free? How can I remove the chains that hold me down? How can I reclaim my power?
Truth and Trust
In my quest to attain my personal freedom, I had to back track. "Who am I?" "What are my values?" "What are my worries and fears?" "Why do I feel this way?" "What caused me to think or act in such a way?"
As a starting point, I needed to know and understand myself first. I had to establish my own authentic self as my foundation. In my self-discovery, I found out that I did not trust myself enough to protect myself and break my barriers. I lent my ears to others but I did not listen to my own voice. The voice inside me was screaming for help but I gave in to the noise of others. I believed in others' truths but ignored my own truth.
What is the truth? Is truth based on the narrative of others or my own version? Is it about the consistency of the stories or the facts that support the narratives? I had to open myself (my eyes, ears, mind and heart), step back and see the bigger picture. My truths were written in my journal and no matter what other people say, I had my own version of the story - mine and no one else's.
Power of Choice
Humans are gifted with a power that makes us extraordinary among other creatures - it is the power to make a choice. Even if we are confronted with outside forces that may serve or hinder us or with internal inhibitions, we have the gift to make a choice. Every decision makes an impact. The choices we make today create the person that we will become tomorrow and the days to come. Some may not understand our decisions but it is ours to make.
Some did and will not understand why I left Cherry but this time, I chose myself. I left not because I gave up on my dreams but because I am still dreaming. I left not to leave the people I love but to gain myself back for the people I love and care about.
Unlike me, some members chose to stay and it is their right to choose which path they desire to take. We have our own principles, beliefs and experiences that we live by and these inputs affect the choices we make. It is their right to choose and our responsibility to respect as long as their decisions do no harm.
Blue Rabbits
On one hand, rabbits generally symbolize luck, prosperity and renewal. Their forelegs are naturally short, making it easier for them to climb than to descend thereby making them symbols of progress. Blue, on the other hand, represents loyalty, wisdom and openness.
As we go our separate ways, no matter which road we take, who we meet and what we experience, we are blue rabbits that move forward to our chosen path, bringing with us the memories we created and shared, being there for each other, and rooting for everyone's success.
