The Non-Apology Apology
Over the past three years or so, Republicans have laid claim that President Obama went on an apology tour early in his tenure and has consistently apologized for America ever since then.
To these Republicans, for one to admit this country isn't perfect - that we made a mistake - is akin to apologizing. I don't understand this. If I tell a woman that I'm not perfect, is that me apologizing for who I am? No - I'm simply being honest and I'm sure she'll appreciate that. I could do one better by telling her I'd work on these imperfections in an attempt to better myself and in turn, our relationship. That's not me saying I'm sorry. That's me being realistic and honest. There's a stark difference between the two.
Every fact-checking site out there has looked over these Republican accusations of the president apologizing for America and every one of them has come back with the same answer - it's not true.1
Let's be realistic here - foreign nations and their leaders didn't think too highly of our country during and immediately following the Bush presidency. The former president invaded Iraq based on the false pretense that they possessed weapons of mass destruction, and some other leaders, upon hearing and believing this accusation, followed suit. Billions of dollars were spent and thousands of lives were lost due to this. When it was found that Iraq didn't possess weapons of mass destruction, to say we weren't well liked by foreign nations and their leaders would be like to say cows go moo. After President Obama came into office, he wanted to improve relations with other countries and improve the U.S.'s image abroad, so he went on a tour to accomplish this very goal. On that front, the tour was largely successful. He provided a stark contrast between he and former President Bush's ideas and actions, or plans of action in Obama's case. He was not coy about criticizing the former president and trying to provide for a renewed sense of hope and trust to the people abroad.
How is that apologizing? The president was realistic in knowing he had to work on repairing some damaged relationships with foreign countries and their leaders, and he was honest about mistakes the U.S. had made over the course of the previous eight years when Bush was in office. He wasn't saying sorry for the American way of life. He was simply saying that the country had messed up a few times over the past several years and would do everything in his power to improve the U.S.’s relations abroad.
In closing, I'd like to compare and contrast President Obama's way of communicating how perfect or imperfect the country is with the Republicans whom claimed he was on an apology tour. Both settings will be at a home featuring a male politician and his date.
Democrat: "I just want you to know that while I do try, I'm by no means perfect. I..."
Special Lady Friend: "Oh, that's okay. Nobody's perfect..."
Democrat: "I know, but I know my faults and I'm really trying to improve upon them, and not just for me, but for you - for us."
Special Lady Friend: "That's sweet. Why couldn't more guys be like you? I have an idea...."
Democrat: "What's that?"
Special Lady Friend: "Come to my room and I'll show you..."
Democrat: "Are we going to play Scrabble?"
Special Lady Friend: "You're cute, but no..."
::what ensued afterward is X-rated and will not be permitted in this book, on YouTube, or even in most pornos::
Republican: "Hey baby, how's it going?"
Special Lady Friend: "Fine, and you?"
Republican: "I'm awesome, as always. Do you realize how lucky you are?"
Special Lady Friend: "No. How lucky am I?"
Republican: "You're the luckiest girl in the world, because you're with me, right?"
Special Lady Friend: "Yeah, I guess..."
Republican: "Ah, yeah, I know. You know, when people ask me what my biggest flaw is, do you know what I tell them?"
Special Lady Friend: "No - your taking a half-hour to comb your bald head, yodeling in your sleep, going more limp than..."
Republican: "Very funny, but no. I always tell them, 'I have no flaws. I'm perfect.' ...and do you know why?"
Special Lady Friend: "...but..."
Republican: "But nothing. I am the greatest. As I was saying, I tell them I'm without flaw and am perfect because well, I am."
Special Lady Friend: "What about that time when you..."
Republican: "Put a sock in it, honey! I am like a god. Maybe I am God. Would you worship me? I worship myself sometimes."
Special Lady Friend: "Gosh, why do you always do this? Why can't you admit you're ever wrong or that you're not perfect?"
Republican: "What - you mean apologize? Fat chance of that!"
Special Lady Friend: ::stares at her man:: "Speaking of fat..."
Republican: "Yeah, yeah - whatever. I will never admit I'm wrong about anything, because I will never allow myself to stoop so low as to make an apology...and also because I'm never wrong!"
Special Lady Friend: "What's the capital of Massachusetts?"
Republican: "Massachusetts City"
Special Lady Friend: "No, sorry - it's Boston. You're wrong."
Republican: "No, I'm not. Boston is a city in Massachusetts. I said the capital of Massachusetts was Massachusetts City and am therefore right. I win."
Special Lady Friend: "I'm out of here! Don't call me until you can actually be honest with me and stop worshiping yourself! By the way, that little temple in your bathroom with your speedos hanging from it is kind of weird. I'll be at my other boyfriend - Raul's house, who may I add never goes limp! Bye!"
1 (footnote)Perhaps the apology Obama should make is to the Republican Party for kicking their butts two straight elections. That would tick them off to such an extent it’d make them all but forget the non-apology “apology” they’ve been whining about for over three years.
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