a second chance ?

realization

   taco closed the gate, looking away from the scene she had just witnessed. she was devastated. she not only lost her only shot at the game, but more importantly . . she lost .. mic. sure, she wanted that prize money, but was it really worth everything that happened? what was she even supposed to do now?

   emotions bubbled in her chest, regret, anger, guilt, it made a colorful explosion inside of her chest that hit her at once, causing her gut to twist in her stomach. she had to talk to mic, she had to clear things up. the portal lead to the hotel, right? she began to make her way to the hotel, if she could just . . clear things up, she could fix things, right? after a while of walking, she stopped dead in her tracks.

  the others there .. they would hate her. they already DID hate her. if she were to suddenly return she would most likely be thrown out as soon as she even glanced in the direction of the hotel. it would be the death of her, showing up out of the blue. especially if the ones from season one were still occupying the hotel.

  a certain person crossed her mind in specific. pickle.

   she remembered that she had harshly berated him once she had lost the first season. she did execute her plan quite beautifully, but bow had gotten in her way of her victory. it really WAS supposed to be her win, and she wouldn't deny that. 

   but the people she had hurt were still hurt, revisiting the hotel would only reopen the wound that she had inflicted on the others. it was a bad idea. but .. how else would she get in contact with mic ? she didn't want to admit it still, but the two of them had been extremely close. at least,-- that's what she had thought about their friendship.

   her heart crumbled. the reality of the situation she was in had just now dawned on her. everything she did flooded back into her head, as if some invisible force had forced it all through her brain at once. 

   she realized, she wasn't a good person.

    sure, she was smart, but what else did she have going for her? she really did everything in hopes of making a change for herself, but where did that end her up? nothing positive had come of it. when she thought about it, she couldn't name one person that could speak kindly of her after everything was said and done.

   maybe the others did have a reason as to why they didn't forgive her. after everything she had done.. she had used them. the only people she had actually talked to, the ones she had befriended; she had used them. pickle and mic both had fallen victim to her ruthless plan, taco didn't want to see them as friends, but she did. she saw them as a tool at first, and she had used that to her advantage. is that all their friendship really was..?

   taco fell to her knees. hopelessness crashed onto her, seemingly creating an invisible mass on top of her that made her weak and struggle to breathe. she sat there for a good minute, in the now uncomfortable silence of the night, in the middle of nowhere. taco held her head, bewildered. she was sorry, so sorry. she didn't mean to-- well. that was a lie. she did mean to take advantage of them, but.. now that she saw them as friends, she was the bad guy. she was the villain, she was the only one who did wrong here. It was entirely her  fault. 

  silent tears formed. for the the first time in a long time, she cried. the teardrops streamed down her face and hit the grass with a light pat. she couldn't control it this time, tears of frustration and confusion pooled at her eyes and rapidly streamed down her face. she choked on her sob, trying to repress it. she damned herself for what she had done. she really was a monster, wasn't she?