SOUR

JEALOUSY, JEALOUSY

"I want to be you so bad and I don't even know you"

Dorothea Summers
(OC)

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Dorothea sat in the corner of the coffee shop and watched as people walked in and out of the building. Most people were dolled up in fancy clothes which meant that they were going to holiday party's at their work or their friends. It made the girl jealous almost. She had spent most of her adult life trying to impress so many people and become their friend and yet now, she was sat alone during the holidays in a small coffee shop on the corner of her block. She had come to learn that she was just meant to be alone and that this life was good for her, but she could never sit perfectly in peace because right as she raised her cup to her lips, in walked the two girls who went and sat on the couch. She knew what was coming next. Numbers three, four, five and six would soon arrive to join them and they would sit and laugh and talk and rub their relationship in everyone's faces. She hated seeing the group of six because she knew they had everything she didn't and it drove her crazy that what she wanted was right in front of her and she should be able to reach out and take it. As she had predicted, numbers three and four aka Chandler and Joey made their way into the room and took their seats, immediately springing into the girls conversation that had started only minutes prior. She had thought so many times about going over and talking to them but her gut always told her no and so she had sat on the sidelines of their silly little main character show and watched from afar. She had been there where Ross and Rachel first got together and when they fought. She was there when phoebe was convinced her mother was a cat. She had seen them all have their laughs. She knew about Monica losing her job and her boyfriend Richard. She knew both Joey and Chandler had fallen in love with the same girl. She knew everything about them. But the six of them never looked outside their friendship group unless it was to find someone to sleep with. She wondered if maybe she was weird for knowing so much but she couldn't help it. Everything in her life was at a still so watching their lives play out in front of her was free entertainment. She was also depressingly aware of how beautiful both Monica and phoebe were. They were both the ideal shape and size for society and flawlessly gorgeous with hair that just floated behind them when a gust of wind came their way. She knew that their beauty was not her lack of but she couldn't help but feel like they were better than her because of it. She thought that sometimes they were laughing at her because they had noticed her bad outfit choice or the fact that she was sitting alone but she knew deep down, that they had never even spared her a glance. She listened in to their conversation and felt herself getting ever so slightly mad. She had been working at the same dead end job now for years and it seemed that these six were always getting their dream jobs minus Chandler, but he was still earning a lot of money. She wanted to say that she was happy for them but she knew she wasn't and she hated the way she was feeling. She knew she sounded insane and crazy for caring so much about what others had but when you were as alone as her, it would make you feel this way. After a few more minutes, Ross and Rachel, numbers five and six walked in proudly. The pair were dressed nicely and the girl couldn't help but roll her eyes. If she was most jealous of anyone in the room, it was definitely Rachel. She had everything a girl could want. She had a cool group of friends who went out every night and she probably had the most luxurious things due to her father paying for them. She was drop dead gorgeous and with Ross by her side it was no surprise that they made an attractive couple. God, she wanted to be her so badly. She had it all, the family, the money, the job, the apartment. The girl basically had to bite on her tongue to keep herself from yelling at them all to stop complaining about the minor inconveniences in their life when so much of it was already the best of the best. All she could see when she looked at them was what she should be, happier and prettier. She was mad. She was letting the jealousy slowly consume her and she couldn't make it stop. She wanted to be someone, anyone else. She felt all her senses heighten as she got more frustrated. She could hear the whistle of the kettle and the rustling of packaging. She could see every spec of dust floating in the air and felt the bubbling pit in her stomach start to get more intense as if she was a volcano getting ready to boil over. She grabbed ahold of her now cold coffee and raised it to her lips, taking a slow sip as she looked at the group. Monica and phoebe were squished up next to each other with Chandler sitting on the side closest to her. Ross and Rachel were on the two chairs closest to the counter and were playing with each other's fingers. And finally, Joey was sat telling another story about his job as an actor and how many callbacks he had to do. She felt disappointed for letting her jealousy overthrow her for so long that she decided to suck in her pride and stand up. She walked over to the group and stopped just a few steps away from the couch.
"Hey, I'm Dorothea" she starts and automatically cringes, worrying that they haven't heard her.
"Oh hi!" Rachel smiles at her.
"Can I sit with you guys?" She asks, preparing herself for a rejection.
"Yeah of course, here you can sit between Chandler and phoebe" Monica tells her, pointing to the spot that has been properly created between the pair.
She walks round and sits down in the gap which causes all six of them to turn to her.
"So Dorothea, tell us your story" Phoebe says and they all nod in agreement, leaning in to hear what she has to say.
"Gosh, where do I even begin?"