mind, body, and soul | lee felix

seventeen

"It all started when we met..."

"The first time I saw you, I knew that I had to talk to you. I don't know what you want to call it; call it love at first sight or intuition, but I had to talk to you at least once. So I did. You were on your way to class, and I went with you. I ended going to every class you had with that professor, and on the last day of the semester, I finally went to talk to you.

"See, the funny thing is, you had seen me in class, and you were the one to ask me out two weeks later." Felix starts to turn red, and he looks down, fiddling with the comforter beneath him.

"I think we had been dating for three months when I told you what I was. You didn't really take it very well; you didn't talk to me for a few weeks." Rubbing the back of his neck, Felix's voice gets quieter. "I really thought you didn't want me anymore."

After a moment of silence, Felix clears his throat and sends me a bright smile. 

"But you did! You called me after a while, asking if we could meet up again. And you started to ask more questions about what I was and what I did." Felix's smiles fades as he stares down at the bed. "But there was something I didn't tell you at the time."

"Angels aren't supposed to interfere with human lives. I mean, a basic g'day mate would be alright, but we're not supposed to interact with you guys on a normal basis. Falling in love is like the most treasonous thing you could do. We're supposed to be the standard, you know. The perfection ideal, so falling in love would make us seem more mortal.

"Falling in love with was both the best and worst decision of my life." Felix chuckles to himself, biting his lip softly. "Even though love isn't much of a decision."

I look straight at Felix, wanting to ask him more questions, but stopping myself. If I want the full story, I need to be patient.

"But I didn't tell you that I wasn't supposed to know you. You thought everything was fine, and I let you believe it. But one day, one of the archangels came down to, well, to kill me." As Felix traces the pattern on the comforter, I remember the memory from the necklace.

"It was a fitting punishment. I wasn't supposed to fall in love with you, and then I did. As an angel, I have an obligation to follow every rule to the t." Jisung sits up as Felix talks.

"You had an obligation," he mutters, leaning back on his hands. "You're not an angel anymore." Felix shoots Jisung an angry look before sighing. 

"I'm going to get to that," he says, bringing his hand to mine and pulling it to him. Felix smiles at me as he plays with my fingers. "Does it make sense so far?" Nodding, I let Felix pull me to him. 

I've figured out that affection makes Felix more relaxed; maybe it makes him feel more secure, like everyone around him is real and won't disappear if he touches them.

"You didn't want me to die, obviously. So, you being the selfless overachiever that you are, you sacrificed yourself for me. You died so I wouldn't have to. Unfortunately, there still needed to be a punishment for me as well, as if losing you wasn't punishment enough." Felix rubs the top of my head gently, breathing softly.

"They threw me down. Like Lucifer," he whispers into my hair. "They told me if I loved humans so much, then I should live like them. So I did for a year. And then I met Christopher. Literally the son  of the devil.

"He made me a deal. I would get to bring you back, and get my angel status back, if I could do one thing." Felix shudders behind me, and I can feel his heartbeat through his chest. "If I could get you to fall in love with me again, he would give me my angel wings back, and I could live with you again."

"He brought you back. Gave you a new life. Gave you a new school, a new family. Christopher erased your memories, and gave you Emily so it would be even more difficult to fall in love with me. He said, if I get you to fall in love with me in six months, then I would win the bet and everything would go back to normal."

I turn around and stare at Felix. Nothing I had is real? Before I can say anything, Jisung clears his throat.

"Um, yeah, that's all true, but you're leaving out the other condition." Jisung turns to me, his tongue in his cheek. "He's not supposed to tell you about your past together. In case it pressures you or something."

"Well yeah, but she has some of her memories back now, so it's okay," Felix wraps his arms around my waist and places his chin on the top of my head, as if telling me with his body that he'd never let me go.

There's a silence that none of us break. Felix and Jisung are giving me time to process everything, and I'm just sitting there in Felix's arms, struggling to wrap my brain around it all. There's so many things I'm not understanding.

"So, really, everything this life is about is you?" I ask, struggling to make eye contact with Felix. I feel so lost right now.

Felix raises my chin with his fingers, leaning his forehead against mine. He closes his eyes and sighs softly, hand tightening on my waist.

"No. You have your own life and I will never, ever stop you from living how you want to. I just want to be a part of it, if you'll let me. I know you feel a lot right now, but I'll never stop you from doing what you want or being who you want to be. It's always your choice. It's always been your choice."