mind, body, and soul | lee felix

twenty seven

Felix stares at me, not moving away from my touch. His eyes narrow slightly; he's obviously torn between pushing me away and pulling me closer. We look at each other, neither of us moving an inch, afraid of breaking the spell cast over us.

I can't love him. I know I can't. It doesn't make logical sense, but the way my heart is beating right now says otherwise. 

With a reluctant expression, Felix pulls away, moving my hand to my lap and standing slowly. He struggles to smile, unable to keep eye contact with me. 

"I won't make you doubt yourself," he says quietly, staring down at the floor. "I just wanted you to know how I felt, so you wouldn't think all of it was fake."

My heart aches, and I want to reach out to him and reassure him. Before I can do that, though, he opens the door and leaves the room, shutting it carefully.

I flop back onto the bed, staring at the ceiling. It's all so confusing; my head and heart are conflicting, never agreeing when it comes to Felix. I know I can't love him in time, but there's a part of me that wants to believe differently.

My eyes flutter shut, and I doze off, woken too soon by a gently knock on my door. Sitting up groggily, I rib my eyes as Jisung slips in, giving me a small smile.

"Hey," he says, his morning voice still apparent. "You okay?" I nod, stretching my arms above my head and standing up, getting my bearings. Jisung leans against the wall, stifling a yawn.

"We're going to bring you somewhere," he says, sniffing once as he clears his throat. "Before Christopher comes to, you know." Jisung gestures awkwardly, feeling unsure of himself. I nod, trying not to think about what is going to happen later, at the end of Felix's time.

Jisuns opens the door, letting me leave the room first before following. Felix is sitting on one of the stools, staring at the counter, deep in thought. He looks up when we enter the room, nodding at us. My heart sinks in disappointment at his lack of a smile, but what did I expect? 

"So," Jisung says, crossing his arms. "Are we going now?" Felix nods again, standing and stretching his arms above his head. He cracks his neck, sighing in relief. 

Felix walks to the door, looking back at us. His eyes soften as they lock with mine, but he shakes his head slightly and glances at Jisung.

"You're okay with bringing her?" He asks bluntly. Jisung nods and places his hand on my shoulder.

"Yeah, I got her."

Felix smiles reluctantly and walks out into the front lawn, leaving us to follow him. He's already in the air by the time we get outside. I shade my face, watching him as he disappears into the sky, out of my sight.

Jisung sighs, reluctant to look at me. He taps my shoulder to get my attention.

"Is it okay if I, um," Jisung looks down at my waist and holds out his hands awkwardly. I realize that he's silently asking if he can hold onto me as he brings me where Felix is leading us. We must be flying there.

Nodding, I try to relax as he gently places his hands on my hips. He whispers a warning before lifting off. Jisung makes a worried sound as he gets higher, his grip on me involuntarily tightening. 

I keep my eyes open this time, marveling as we get higher and move across the sky. Jisung sees Felix in the distance and moves his wings faster in order to catch up with him. I let my thoughts wander as we pass over the city. Watching the people going about their lives, I realize just how small everything seems from up here. Is this what Felix felt like before? Listless, without a purpose?

A particularly strong wind brushes past us, and Jisung breaths in sharply, swallowing hard. He curses as he drops down a few feet in order to keep in the air.

"I hate this. I hate this. I hate this." Jisung repeats that over and over, almost like a mantra. It seems to reassure him, though, as his breathing slowly goes back to normal and he gets back into a rhythm. 

In front of us, Felix dives down, leading us to an empty field. I'm guessing we're in some type of state park or national forest, judging by the way the natural scenery seems untouched. 

Jisung gently lands, letting go of me as he wobbles on his feet. He collapses onto the grass, murmuring thanks that he didn't die. Giggling a little at his dramatics, I survey the place we're at. It's beautiful, the way everything is quiet here.

The grass is long, some of it reaching up to my knees. Little buttercups cover the ground, making some spots of the field look like it's dyed a powder pink. I smile to myself as I turn slowly in a circle, admiring the way the blossoms sway gently in the breeze.

Unbeknownst to me, Felix is watching me from a few feet away. He's smiling softly, his eyes brightening as he sees me bend down to brush my fingers with a buttercup's petals. Felix lifts the collar of his shirt and pulls the chain he's wearing out from under his shirt. His necklace; the twin to mine. 

He gazes at it before taking it off. Walking over to me, Felix takes my hand, making me look at him curiously. He smiles at me, pressing the necklace into my palm and not letting me open my hand to looks at what he gave me.

"It'll be okay," he murmurs to me. I furrow my eyebrows in confusion when something changes. I can't pinpoint what happened, exactly. Maybe the happy silence became more sinister, or the clear sky started to cloud up. I turn around instinctively, eyes widening when I see Christopher across the field.

Even from this distance, I can see his irritatingly arrogant smirk. He starts to walk towards us, his hands in his pockets. Felix inches closer to me, and I can sense Jisung make his way to me. He stands right behind me as Felix stands to my left. This feels right, almost natural.

As Christopher walks towards us, I notice a difference in the nature around us. Each flower that Christopher walks past dies. The pink blossoms curls up and wilts into a brown leaf. By the time that he is halfway to us, the field behind him is made of brown and black, dying plants. 

I wince internally, wanting to cry out at the loss of nature. Is he doing that on purpose?

Christopher stops in front of us, taking his right hand out of his pockets to offer me his hand. He doesn't look at me, though, instead smiling mockingly at Felix.

"How interesting," he says, eyeing Felix. "She couldn't love you after all." Feeling Felix tense next to me, I scoff, making Christopher look at me. Grabbing his hand harshly, I give him a fake smile.

"Just take me to hell, yeah?'

Christopher smirks at me, an eyebrow raised. "Someone's eager. But sure, I can't wait to get you off of Felix's hands. I'll show you what it's like to be treated right."

Christopher chuckles as Felix grits his teeth and clenches his fist, tongue in his cheek. He bows mockingly to Felix, saluting him as he stands.

"I'm sure I'll see you again, Lee. Until then."

i'm so sorry!! i haven't updated in four days. it's been so insane here and i've been really busy. hope y'all enjoy this as much as i did writing it :)