The Unnatural Disasters

2. Giving the cub scouts guns: Pixel

My name is Em Mwesigwa. Enby at the moment. And right now?
I have a bad headache.

I groan, rubbing my temples again. Who's idea was it to have a convention of tech out in the middle of Kalshem, anyway?

Why couldn't it have been a book show? A renaissance fair?

Hell, at this point I'd even take a kiddy-show 'live on stage' thing. At least small children can't get inside your head like operating systems do, telling you that they're there, telling you that they're ready to be blipped into...

Okay, that is a 'me' situation, I know.

But whoever decided it'd be a good idea to put constant, buzzing notifs into my head for every IOS and blippable interface in a 50-bloody-mile radius evidently doesn't understand how many phones there are around me.

I'm standing between two rows of stalls- between the 'my talking bear' tent and whatever 'interactive uno' is- on the second row of this maddening place. I look down the path next to me. Yep: another empty row of stalls. I'm not really sure where all the convention- goers are; frankly, I'm pretty relieved. The idea of anybody staring at me for too long, let alone an entire centre's worth of people, does not bring me joy.

There's no thief, obviously. If there were, I'd be too busy panicking to question the complexities of interactive uno.

Isn't uno already interactive?

Then again, there's always the distinct possibility that they're invisible. This wouldn't be the first time I've been surprised by that situation. And anyway, I'd like to believe that I'd notice a-

"Pixel!"

It's Decibelle's voice.

I run, jumping off the railing into her general direction. I'd love to say I do a proper hero's landing.

I do not do a proper hero's landing.

"There's the escalator right there, you know," Decibelle says, unimpressed as I hobble my way to her.

"Dramatic hero's jump. If you could jump off buildings, you'd want to do it too. Besides, I thought you were in mortal danger! There appears to be zero mortal danger here. Where's the mortal danger?"

"Hi!"

I jump, startled at the stranger who appears next to me. She's a woman-can't be older than 20- in rainbow dungarees and a bright neon top.

"Wait-" I look to the woman, then back at Decibelle. "There- there are people here? They didn't all run off somewhere?"

"According to Isabelle here-" Decibelle nods to the woman- "everyone in the centre got court-marshalled by some- marbles?"

"Marble monsters."

"Marble monsters, into the main hall."

"But you escaped?" I ask, slightly skeptical.

"But I escaped." Isabelle grins. "Spent the whole thing hiding under the table."

I make eye contact with Decibelle. She seems as troubled as I am: is this Smoke? Robbery doesn't seem to be their jam, but kidnapping for any reason definitely does.

"So..." I ask Decibelle. "I guess we... go?"

"Don't you have a weapon or something?" Isabelle asks, looking at us with wide, doe eyes. I realise- she's scared. Genuinely terrified at the whole situation.

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't either.

"You're right," I reassure. And with that, I blip: the burner phone Charlie gave me'll be good.

This is not the burner phone.

This is definitely not the burner phone.

That phone has various RPG's on it: covers with screaming men and barely covered women on them, with names like 'dark moon IV' and 'bloodied blade 3'.

This place has WhatsApp, messenger, mail, the compass app for some reason, a match-3 game and something I've never heard of called 'painting puzzles'. The background is a picture of Isabelle.

Shit.

I must have left my phone in the training room. This is Isabelle's- either that or her crazed stalker.

But the fact of the matter stays: I need to find something appropriately stabby enough to fight off a 'marble monster', whatever the hell that is.

I stare at the wall of apps. It's exactly how you'd expect, being inside a phone. Just... sort of a room, with one wall taken up by the phone display. I wonder where I'd get something useful.
Messenger?

Unless I plan on ramming something through with a text message, probably not.

Mail?

What? How?

Not even going to try with compass, and my last experience with using match three games didn't go too well.
That leaves me with only one choice; I press 'painting puzzles' and go inside.

It's bright in here. Very bright.
You know how they go into apps in the Emoji Movie?

As much as I hate to be affiliated with that film, it's pretty much like that.

The room looks like a rainbow-obsessed toddler's idea of the medieval period, with a load of cartoony props that evidently aren't used to being 3D. Above my head there's a sign reading 'get the door open!': at my feet there's a comically oversized paintbrush alongside equally silly paint cans. Alright- let's try this.

I take the brush and dip it in the blue paint.

Swipe it at a nearby chain.

It freezes instantly- the glob of ice-blue crystallising on the links- and clatters to the ground, making a 'clink' as it does.

I glance at the other paint cans: the lava-like red, the luminous yellow white, the deep purple and forest green.

"Okay!" I grin, looking down. "I guess this'll work."