The Unnatural Disasters

3. 'Funland': Newton

Why on earth would a theme park in the middle of England have a water playground open in the middle of September.
Really.

We crowd round funland's self proclaimed 'fishyworld': a group of brightly coloured plastic water slides stemming from a wooden platform, crowding around a single swimming pool. The sort of place that doesn't need to be running when it's no longer ice cream weather.
And yet?

I'm here, getting ready to climb up the steel framework underneath the slides.
"Are you sure you want to do this?" Pixel looks down on the ground, looking guilty that she won the game of Rock Paper Scissors. "I promise you, I can if you want me to-"
"No, it's fine." I look round at her. "I mean, if I break my leg doing this then I'll blame you, but other than that..."
Copycat runs back towards us from the framework. "Okay! Nobody's trying to slide, luckily enough. There's one lifeguard-keeper thing up at the side of the swimming pool, so stay out of his way, but other than that you're good. Oh! The star's duct-taped to the ceiling of the platform, obviously. Good luck!"
I nod at him; just the possibility of falling off the framework plus trying not to attract the guard. Simple.

I had meant what I said to Pixel. I will do this.
But, as I plant my hand on the first iron rail, I begin to wish I didn't choose scissors.

The bar's cold to the touch. I shiver, clambering up the first rail. It's okay, I attempt to reassure myself. Just like playground equipment... okay, provided said equipment was built by someone who didn't expect it to ever be used.

I consider- what if this doesn't hold?
It's the first time I wonder about the possibility of the thing simply not being able to withstand humans climbing on it. I step up on to the next rung.
And then I slip.

I scream while in free fall; I'm in the air, wide-eyed and thinking of the drop below. I crack my neck to the side.
Next thing I know, I'm crouching on the underside of a slide.

"Hey!" Somebody yells. "Is someone there? I'm coming over!"
I remember Copycat. There's one lifeguard-keeper thing at the side of the swimming pool. Great! Brilliant! Absolutely fantastic.
I get to deal with a lifeguard, I don't have the star and I'm breaking the laws of physics.

Altogether, I am not doing well right now.

The underside of the slide feels gritty on my fingers. I look down, and yep: dust and cobwebs cling to the plastic surface, untouched in years. Fair enough, I guess, that cleaning the bottom of water slides isn't the cleaning staff's first priority- but it's not the best texture to be on. I stand up, shaking.
"Come out now! Last warning!" The lifeguard yells.

I have two options. Number one: I stay flat on the slide and hope he doesn't notice me. Good idea in theory, but... if he spots me, there'd be hell to pay. Hg laws would probably apply, and considering half the team are Hg, I don't want to turn in to the example in a law textbook. Plus I don't get the star either.

Number two is more dangerous. I'd have to risk it for a biscuit and get on the ceiling to take the star before he notices. I'd get the item but it'd take time, and if I'm not fast enough I'll be even more noticeable than I already would be there.

Play it safe, and risk getting caught. Play it unsafe... and still get caught, but get the star too.

What the hell.

I flip on to the bottom of the platform, and catch a momentary glimpse of the lifeguard. He's much closer then I'd figured, and any second now he'll be on to me. I crouch down, panicking suddenly. I feel something on the rough wood below me. The star!

Also about twenty splinters. Ow.

I rip it off the wood and stuff it in my pocket.
Okay. Oh no. Alright: I'm on the ceiling, I can see the guard powerwalking towards me at a brisk pace, and if I spend a second longer here he's bound to spot me through the slides. I need to act fast. As I look around, I spot a clump of bushes off to the side.

I decide to do something pretty impulsive and dangerous.

I jump and spin off the platform, turning to the floor midair. Although I hit several bars on the way, my plan worked: I'm on the actual ground, ducking and running to the bushes.

I'm not the best at running. I'll be the first to admit that. But as I run; weaving round the bars and clearing the ones low to the ground, I feel confident.

Until I feel the hand on my arm, that is.

I'm just next to the bushes, in touching distance from them, when he grabs me. It's rough, by the shoulder- I spin round and stare at the man in his ice eyes. He's broad-shouldered and, although only a little taller than me, holds himself like someone who considers themselves brilliant.
"You are in breach of the Funland park law," he says, like a judge delivering sentence. "Come with me to staff services. Now."

And as I trail along behind him to whatever happens next, the only thing that keeps me going is the feel of the star in my jacket pocket.