Mouse

chapter sixteen

Something strange happened to me that night as I lay in the bed staring up at the roof of the caravan. I kept going over what had just happened and I was filled with cold anger like I had never experienced before.

Ricardo had cheated me... betrayed me when I had been at my most vulnerable, then he had taken a part of me; and I could never get it back.

The hurt went deeper than anything he had ever done or said before. It wasn't that he had suddenly started to care for me. He had just been making a claim on what he considered was his property

Even worse was the fact I had so easily let him. I wasn't sure if I was more angry with, Ricardo or myself, for being the naïve little fool he had claimed I always was. I couldn't believe I was so stupid! How could I let him do that to me?

First he had destroyed my friendship with Paul making him leave, then he destroyed a part of me, and I knew now there was only one person who could end it so he could not do this to me anymore, and that was myself.

He wanted to teach me one of his precious lessons.. This time I learned it only too well

The rage and humiliation that had built up inside me numbed and harden my heart, encasing it in ice, until I felt completely devoid of emotions, except for the remaining anger towards Ricardo which made me feel like I was still alive somehow.

It was the only thing that helped me get through the night.

Ricardo's actions had effectively killed the, 'Mouse' in me, there would be no more running and hiding or being scared of him, as he was soon to discover.

If he expect to see me shattered or upset and tearful he would be disappointed, crying was the last thing I felt like doing, it was as if I had completely shut down emotionally

He was not there in the caravan when I got up. I got washed and dressed, even put on a bit of make up

Ricardo appeared back in the caravan when I was making myself breakfast.

In truth I didn't really have much of an appetite, but I forced myself to behave as if it was a normal day, and nothing particular had happened.

I sat eating my cereal glancing through a woman's magazine that Lisa had left, and ignored him.

He came and sat opposite me, he had obviously been doing his morning workout then had a shower, and was dressed in just his jeans, with a blue towel draped around his neck, his short dark hair was still slightly damp.

He probably thought his presence would make me uncomfortable, and I had to admit I felt a slight familiar quiver of nerves in my body, because of his nearness, but then I strengthened my resolve that I would show him that I was made of sterner stuff

All I had to do was remember what he had done the night before, it empowered me further to harden my heart, and making me to feel indifferent towards him, even when I knew those dark eye of his were lazily surveying me .

I went on eating my cereal and reading the magazine as if he wasn't there.

"When you are finished, I would like my breakfast sometime this morning," he retorted

I took a moment to work out in my head how I intended to and handle this before replying.

But if he thought I was going to jump to his attention, he had another thing coming..

"I will make it in a bit, don't worry you won't starve," I informed him in a casual tone, not bothering to look up from the magazine, though it was difficult because I would have really liked to have seen the expression on his face at the same time.