Mouse

chapter nineteen

NINETEEN

Ricardo's mother made me go and see a doctor to confirm her suspicions about my condition. A few days later I got the results back that the tests were positive. I was definitely pregnant

Angela and the rest of the family were delighted by this latest news.

I found myself less enthusiastic about it.

After all I was the only one who knew exactly how the incident had happened, that one night with Ricardo, and it wasn't my most happiest of memories.

The fact we had produce a child from it, didn't seem right.

Yet Angela insisted it was perfect timing,

"This is what he needs now," she tried to convince me, "Since the doctors told him he might not walk again he has become bitter, not caring if he lives or dies. I am frightened he will give up.. he needs a goal a reason to make him fight, and this child is that goal, I am sure of it, it's a sign, a blessing from God to help him," she said smiling.

I wished I could believe that, but it was hard.

"Look," she went on suddenly seeming a little uneasy, as if she realised my reluctance at first, "I am aware of the fact that things between you and my son have not been easy these last few months, and I have no wish to interfere between the two of you. I just think you should both use this opportunity to try and sort those difficulties, I don't like to see you both unhappy," she smiled and grabbed by hand, as if trying to reassure me of her good intentions

"What harm can it do to give it a try to give you both some hope for your future, this baby could be a new beginning for you both, as I said a blessing"

I forced myself to smile, realising she meant well, but still I had my doubts. Would Ricardo considering me having his child a blessing when he had so little regard for me? I had not visited the hospital to see him from he had become fully conscious again.

I had used my illness as an excuse to stay away, wanting to avoid him still.

Recalling how we parted. I was uncertain if he would want me near him, and I didn't know how I could face him under the circumstances.

From what I knew, he was aware I was staying at the apartment, but had not asked for me to come and see him, which told me all I needed to know

But now Angela and the family pushed me to go visit him and tell him the news of my pregnancy, feeling sure it would make him feel better.

And in the end I knew they were right, I could not refuse them, even though I was dreading have to face him again.

From what I could understand, he was already bitter and angry about his situation. And I only knew too well I was the perfect target he could vent his frustration on, as he did so many other times.

But perhaps his mother was right, perhaps when he found out I was pregnant, it might soften him a little, all I could do was hope...

In the end I knew I had no other choice, and I couldn't put it off any longer. So one evening I agreed to accompany Jeanette when she was going up to visit him, and finally break the supposedly good news to him.

My heart was in my mouth as I followed her into the room. It was filled with cards and flowers from friends and well wishers in the circus

Most of the tubes and wires had been removed, and the bruises and cuts had cleared up from his face, but he was still lying flat on his back.