25.06.2021.
Twenty four hours a day is not enough
It's too little
I had to clean,
Do grocery shopping
Buy lunch
Pick up new glasses
Clean the pantry
Dust the furnitures
Rearrange the trunks
Clean up after dinner
Then I got a chance to watch a movie
The devil wears Prada
But before even long the clock hits eleven
And I still had to respond to messages
I still had to be somewhat socially interactive
I still had to download videos before the clock strikes twelve
I had to wash up
Clean myself
I had to do my night time skincare routine
I had to change into pyjamas
Make my bed
Roll down the canopy
I had to work so long
And yet again at the end of the day
I still don't have much to write on my diary
It's still empty
I've done so much yet I've done do little
I have to wake up early tomorrow
Mop the whole house
Do laundry
Find some time to squeeze a shower
Cook dinner
Wash dishes
Repeat over and over again
Till hopefully offline college commence
Then I'd get to go out and tire my brain instead of my body
Life is exhausting
I get grumpy
Fights break out
All the work I've put seemed meaningless
Yet I can't seem to break free from this cycle
One step away and I could be free
Yet I chose not to
So little sleep and so many working hours
Functioning like a high maintenance zombie
I never get enough sleep these days
Yes college assignments may have been stressful
But handling this house is beyond that
Sleep deprived
Bones hurting
Barely standing straight
Blood pressure dropping
Heart beating too fast
Ah the gap after semester exams is so exhausting
Ah yes the perk of the youngest you must be spoilt
I get worked to death as much as they spoil me
For the more the affection
The more draining it is to move
At the end of the day it is nothing but validation that I seek
In hopes of being a good person
A teenage trauma perhaps
To please every single person
Destroying myself before anyone else have a chance
I feel security from it
Killing myself over and over again every morning
Oh yes I've taken the path to be a rebel
All it brought me was nightmares and alot of tears
So might as well kiss up their arse and be a people pleaser
Might as well be in peace with them while my head spins about with emotional turmoil
And when sleepless nights come these monsters break free
Eating my thoughts alive leaving nothing but anger and hatred
I have to be strong
For the sake of my sanity
Let me be granted a moment to sleep
I have not slept for more than 6 hours this week
The thought of collapsing on the earth sounds so tempting
But I have to endure this
I can do it
Just one more day
-picone.
