2.2 | A Lifetime Of You ✓

chapter 10

Do you want to grab some drinks? 

Cyan's question had initially taken Joon by surprise, but he couldn't say a no. Especially when he was the one who was desperate to ask that question. 

"Ahjumma," he called to the serving lady in the streetside pop up bar, "can we have a plate of chicken feet and rice cakes?" 

Cyan was the only customer inside that tent who said can we instead of get me. Somehow, he got more than what he had asked for. Being a little polite to a woman who was running a small food joint didn't do any bad. Rather, it felt good. For both. 

There were bottles of soju lying in front of them. And Joon didn't exactly remember how those two full bottles became empty. He was a heavyweight when it came to drinking, and he could handle copious amounts of alcohol. But Cyan was the problem. 

He had a light tinge of rouge on his cheeks and his forearm swayed when he tried to pour himself another shot. But he giggled, and drained it down his throat before slamming the glass down on the counter. 

"Joon-ah…" 

Hearing his name called out like that gave butterflies to Joon. Heck, that feeling was something that should be felt in adolescence. But he couldn't stop staring at Cyan's flushed face and thinking, what if they had met ten years earlier? Would life still be the same? Joon reached out and brushed a strand of hair away from Cyan's forehead. 

"You look pretty," Joon said. 

"You know who else is pretty?" Cyan grinned like a fool. 

"Who is?" 

"Lala, my princess." Cyan braced his elbows at the table and put his chin on his interlocked fingers, but they soon gave way and his head fell on the table. Joon's eyes widened in concern, but Cyan straightened up and grinned like an idiot. 

"My Lala is the prettiest in the world. I love her so much, you know? She's so intelligent. She can write and read at this age, and she can also draw very beautifully… hic — so, so, pretty…" 

Flushed up face, hazy eyes, untucked shirt and disheveled mess. Joon never knew this side of Cyan.

"I know," Joon said. His honesty was fueled by the liquid courage, and at that moment, he felt as if there was no care for him in the world. "Sometimes, I think of her as my own daughter. She likes me, you know? She showed me the drawings she made in daycare last week." 

"Heh… Lala takes on her," Cyan looked at the empty green bottles, "Haesun would have been so proud…" 

"Haesun?" Joon frowned. 

"Joon-ah, what can I do? I am only a single man… taking care of my princess... all alone, hic," Cyan slurred his words, "what if… what Lala grows up and hates me?"

Joon thought for a moment. Did he hate his parents? 

"Everyone else of her age, girls and boys," Cyan hiccuped, "they want to be pilots, scientists, musicians, artists, fashion designers… but my Lala…" Cyan actually had tears in his eyes. "Lala wants to be a raccoon!" He slammed his fist on the table weakly and then jumped in fright by his own actions. 

Drunk Cyan was a cute Cyan. 

"Raccoon?" Joon found that hilarious. But he stopped laughing when Cyan glared at him. 

"Do you know how hard a raccoon's life is?" Cyan wailed. "They don't have many career prospects. All they do is eat trash and just look cute… or if they work hard they can have YouTube channels… How will my Lala survive? I won't live for eternity, you know? She has to learn to live by herself." 

And then Joon realised something. At his position, he had enough money to sustain the lives of at least three people beside himself. He had a comfortable life. And that was the precise reason why he had the leisure to sit down and complain. 

"Raccoons have a good chance at being taekwondo fighters, you know? Fight crocodiles," Joon attempted to joke. 

"Lala can do whatever she wants," Cyan asserted, "but it's my concern, you know. I would like it if she became a lawyer, or a doctor… or a pilot… she would live happily for her entire life. Nothing would make me happier than that." 

Somewhere in himself, Joon could understand his parents. The reason they were the way they were. Joon was the same. He wanted the exact same things for Lala. 

"Cyan, you —" 

"Hush!" Cyan put his index finger on Joon's lips. Joon blinked, startled and tense. "I know what you are going to say," Cyan's eyes narrowed down all of a sudden, returning to their former morose state. 

"What…?" 

"Don't like me, Joon-ah." 

Cyan knew. Maybe he even liked Joon back. Joon would never know. But if that was how their story was supposed to end, it was regrettable. Why did Cyan wait for all those months before telling him to not like him? He should've made it loud and clear in the beginning itself. No matter what Cyan did, Joon couldn't help but think that his warm brown eyes were simply begging him to like him. 

"Why?" Joon whispered, voice caught in his throat. 

"I'd only drag you down… Joon-ah. Being with a man, moreover a man with a child, never brings anyone any good." 

"But you like me, I like you. What's there to think about?" 

"That logic is only applicable at adolescence, Joon," Cyan chuckled, his hand reaching out for a shot glass, "that was why Romeo and Juliet worked out. Grown ups have a lot of things to consider." 

"If you end this here," Joon frowned, "I'll never see you again. Ever." 

"Go," Cyan laughed and waved his hand dismissively, "it's not the first time I've been heartbroken." 

How easy was it for him to talk about heartbreak like it was a daily occurrence? Joon felt like his throat was constricted and there was a stone sinking in the pit of his stomach. 

"Fine," he whispered, not knowing what else to say.