The Damned Princess

Chapter 10

Author's note:

This chapter features a panic attack, I have suffered from them but I know everyone experiences them differently so please tell me if you think there is anything that I should have added. I am aware that not much actually happens in this chapter and that it is kind of boring so I'll try and get another chapter out later today or tomorrow with more actiiiiiooooonnnn! Also spot the Merlin reference!

Despite all the books she had read about sailing, or to be honest they were more about sexy pirates who went around not wearing shirts, Lyria was getting bored of the sea. There was something about the constant blue in every direction and that paired with the fact that the only pirate she had come in contact with was one bad joke of being pushed off the side of the boat.

Annoying thing was Val could probably swim.

She was so mind-numbingly bored that she half wanted another pirate ship to attack them and kidnap her and tie her up and-gods she was horny. This unspoken challenge between Casteel and her was beginning to become irritating, but she refused to crack. He would be the one who came to her first.

They had been on the boat for sooooo looonnggggggggg though, who had even invented boats? Stupid idea. Stupid person.

"I see land!" Val screamed and Lyria shot up from her self-wallowing. Only to find out Val had been lying. The curvaceous brunette swaggered over - literally swaggered - sniggering.

"I'm going to kill you. I'm actually going to kill you."

"Aw lighten up your highness." Val whacked her on the back in what she thought to be a comforting gesture.

"What the hell was that?" Val blinked at her protest.

"Uh...I don't know actually, it used to make my crew feel better."

"Yes well sailors are obviously thick aren't they?"

Val frowned. "I'm a sailor."

"Well there you go then. Mwhahaha, damn I'm funny."

"No you're not."

"Oooh do you want some gravy for that roast?"

"What?"

"Do you want some ice for that burn?" Lyria was hooting with laughter while Val simply scowled.

"What's so funny?" Tari approached them, eyeing Lyria' manical laughing suspiciously.

"I just insulted Val, I said-"

"We don't need to get into it!" Val cut off the blonde and Lyria sniggered. The pirate cleared her throat and attempted to change the conversation.

"Where's Casteel?"

"Probably styling his hair." Lyria shrugged.

"I am going to die if I spend one more minute on this fucking boat!" She continued dramatically.

Tari raised an eyebrow. "Someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed...."

"Shhhhh don't provoke the dragon." Lyria whipped her head round and leveled a glare at the pirate that would have made her Uncle Lorcan cry. It was one of the first lessons her mother had given her, how to death glare. Looking back it probably wasn't the best thing to teach a child. Nonetheless Lyria had turned out fine. At least she thought so.

Gods she missed them though. She missed Uncle Fen teasing her, missed her Dad's hugs...she even missed the conversations between her Mum and Uncle Lorcan, even after a century they still pissed each other off. Her and Uncle Fen used to bet on them.

She blinked away the sharp sting of approaching tears, turning away from the others and moving to sit by the edge of the boat. She would get them back. They would find the dagger. Or else...she didn't dare think of the alternative.

Not only would she never see them again, Casteel would never see his parents again and that would be her fucking fault. Why the hell had he jumped into the portal after her, the stupid git? Now she owed it to Rhys and Feyre to keep their son safe. The weight of her responsibility pressed heavily and she slouched slightly, curling in on herself. It was her fault for messing up the Wrydmarks and sending them back to the wrong time. If she had just followed the depictions on the book more carefully...It was all on her.

She refocused on the water, the colour so much like the turquoise in her mother's eyes, the same colour that she knew was mirrored in hers. Her eyes were her favourite part of herself. Not because they looked nice, but because she shared them with her mother. It meant that she was one step closer to being the Great Aelin Galanthynius Ashryver.

How on earth was she ever meant to live up to that name? Her mother couldn't have another child. Lyria's birth was so dangerous that her Dad's sheer will was the only thing that kept Aelin alive. Which meant she was the sole heir of Terrasen. Her. The person who was stranded one thousand years in the future with the responsibility of another's life. Her parents were the greatest rulers Terrasen had ever known, and had saved the entire world. She just-just didn't want to disappoint them. And she knew she would. A band wrapped around her chest, squeezing. She would disappoint her entire family, and the kingdom. All those lives depending on her. Her chest felt tight, too tight. What did she know about ruling? Her throat closed up and she couldn't breathe couldn't get a breath in like she wouldn't be able to rule and and...

"Lyria, look at me." She couldn't bring herself to look at him, see how she failed him, oh gods he was going to die too oh gods. A warm hand grasped her chin forcing her head towards him. She met his eyes, dark purple like his fathers. His father, his parents they would never see him again and it was her fault all her fault. The tears were a constant stream as if her eyes themselves were bleeding. Good, she deserved it.

"Lyria listen to my voice. Focus on my voice, OK? Block out the other thoughts," She nodded and tried to focus but her breath kept coming in short shallow pants, "Breathe in with me for five, four, three, two, one. Now hold for three, two, one. Exhale five, four, three, two, one. And inhale for seven, six, five, four, three, two, one and hold for five, four, three, two, one. Now exhale, eleven, ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one. Better?"

Lyria slumped from relief as a calm feeling swept over her. She closed her eyes and breathed deeply again, savouring the salty air that swept into her lungs. Her chest loosened. Her silver hair stuck to damp cheeks and she tucked it over her ear.

"Thank you." She mumbled, voice hoarse.

"I'm here for you." Casteel wrapped an arm around her and massaged her shoulder.

"Are you feeling better?" She nodded at his question, leaning into his side. The weight of his arm was a welcome one, she felt safe and it allowed her to escape from her problems for a minute.

"Do you want to talk about what happened?" She twisted to meet his gaze and the concern in it had her feeling guilty all over again. So she offered a truth.

"I just miss them, you know?" He squeezed her in comfort, but didn't say anything, knowing there was more.

"And...it's a lot to live up to. My parents and our court literally saved the fucking world. I'm their only heir."

"You're afraid you'll disappoint them?" Lyria turned to him sharply.

"Yes! How did you-?"

"My father is the most powerful high lord in  history. And Mum is the savior of Prythian. I get the pressure of having to live up to their names, but what I've realised is that they love us so much that whatever we do they'd be proud. You know what else I know? They are going to be around for a long time, they're not going anywhere soon, so they'll be free to boss us around one hundred percent of the time." She huffed a laugh and he grinned.

"Your parents love you so much. They love you so much that I'm scared to meet them, I'm pretty sure your father will kill me."

Lyria chuckled and sniffed, "He only threatened to cut off your dick."

"But it's your favourite part of me! A rather large part might I add-"

"Hey! The size of your dick doesn't count if half of it's your personality." The wounded sound that Casteel made was enough to send her into a fit of laughter. He joined her a moment later after pinching her side.