criminal minds one shots !

stop me. -spencer

in which spencer wants to relapse and jj isnt there to help.
[tw for: drug use, panic attacks, hurt with no comfort]

####

spencer was fighting a loosing battle.

the bottles were right there. within arms reach.

the past scars were beginning to itch, it was unbearable.

he was sat on his kitchen floor, rocking back and forth as tears fell down his face. starting off slowly before he became even more of a mess.

his hands shook as he frantically dialled the same number he had every day this week.

'hey this is jj, youve missed me. leave a message !'

"nononono this cant- this cant be happening."

he tried again, receiving the same voice mail message. he decided to leave a message this time.

"jj, its uh- its spencer. i just- im r-really sorry i didnt realise it was- was this late. i just- im having a rough time. they're right in front of me. i know i said- i said i threw them away but i couldnt do it. i just- i need your help jj."

he ended the message. throwing his phone across the kitchen tile in the process. he felt as if he couldnt breathe. his chest too tight and his clothes stuck to his body.

he sucked in sharp breaths. trying and failing to regulate his air intake.

she got tired of me.

spencer knew reasonably that it was 2am, she had probably gone to bed.

why should it be her job to make sure i dont fail ?

that didnt stop his brain from running wild.

but there was something that would stop it. and it was still within arms reach.

he stood up slowly, still shaking almost violently.

he prepared his arm, then injected the dilaudid. finally getting a proper breath.

he removed the needle as the drug set in.

he finally felt calm. maybe he made the right choice. everything felt better with the drug in his system.

but then he was extremely dizzy. a mix of the dilaudid and panic making him lightheaded.

he blacked out on the kitchen floor, his phone buzzing against the tiles. just minutes too late.