Lonely Together

47

MARIAH—EIGHT MONTHS LATER

Grief was something that people tended to downplay until it smacked them in the face to show them what it was really about. I was one of those people who downplayed its importance—thought it wasn't that bad—but the past eight months have proved me completely wrong.

Valentino's death had been constant on my mind since I found out—every morning, noon, and night. I wondered what the rest of our time in Italy would have been like, how he would have reacted when we found out I was pregnant, how our entire lives together would look. But I didn't get to experience any of that.

Still, knowing that when he died he left a little piece of himself with me—a child—I felt some sort of closure knowing that he would always be there with me in more than one way.

He hadn't told anyone, but out of fear that he might not make it back to America, Valentino made his mother and I the beneficiaries of everything he owned. He obviously didn't know about the baby, but he or she would be set for life with all the money and the penthouse that he left for us.

It was hard to live in the place that had been his. Every time I walked past the gym, my breathing became strained as I remembered all the times I yelled at him for playing his music too loud. Every time I laid in the bed I remembered all the time we had spent there just being together in any way we saw fit.

Thankfully, I still had all our friends by my side and they made everything feel much easier. Elijah and Wesley worked on building a nursery for the baby while Amber and Ashti—when she wasn't taking care of the baby she just had—helped me prepare as well as possible.

After Val's death, Adriano became the capo and from what I had heard from Luciano, who stayed in touch with me, Adriano wasn't doing a very good job. Luciano also explained that the man who he had thought killed Valentino's father was who planned Val's death as well. According to him, it was hard to pin it all on him—especially since he was a capo—but he was hoping to get as much evidence as possible and provide it to the other capos.

"Mariah, how are you?" My gynecologist questioned with a smile as she stepped into the office, shaking hands with me. "You're so close to having the baby."

"I know," I smiled, just as the baby kicked a bit. "I'm...excited and very nervous."

"That's understandable for all new moms. Now, I know you explained that the father...has since passed away. It's very hard to take care of a newborn baby all alone so I do want to make sure you have a support system there for you."

"I do. My best friend actually just moved in with me recently and the baby's grandmother will be staying with me until I get the hang of things," I replied confidently, looking away from her because I was so tired of the looks of pity people gave me.

After breaking up with his boyfriend, Myles moved back in with me—in the penthouse this time—and has been a tremendous help the whole time. He's helped me get through the grief as best as possible and I couldn't ask for a better friend.

Overall however, nothing would compare to having Valentino be there with me. Nothing ever could compare to that—to him. It pained me each and every day knowing that he never knew that he was having a baby and that he never got to experience some of the greatest parts with me. Still, I understood that there was nothing I could do to change that no matter how much it hurt.

"Okay, well the baby is in the position needed for birth and you're already dilating a bit!" The doctor said excitedly as she moved to show me the baby on the ultrasound. "I don't want to get you too excited, but you might be having the baby within this week.