Diagnosis (English Translation)

15

Co-translator : pledis uwus

Chapter 15: Lost Friend

The pediatric surgery lecture lasted until fifteen minutes after noon. After the teacher left the lecture room, all my classmates groaned because the lecture was so long. Some people were just now waking up from a nap. I put all of my stuff in my backpack and was preparing to leave the lecture room. I glanced back at Waiyasit and noticed him quietly walking out of the room. After seeing him on the move, I hurriedly got up and ran after him toward the door.

“Wai!” I called out after him. Wai, who had already walked a long distance ahead of me, stopped and turned around to look at me. His face appeared drowsy. “Where are you going?”

Wai didn't respond to me. He turned back around and walked away. I was about to run after him, but I only took three steps before stopping. Once I stopped chasing after him, he disappeared from my sight.

After Thana explained the whole story to me, I should have been angry with Wai because of what he had done. He pressured Thana even though he already knew about his incurable schizophrenia.  Wai played with Thana, making him a nervous wreck, until he had to make an awkward confession. Thana, who has a weaker thought and decision system compared to normal people, had a hard time dealing with this dare from Wai.

Waiyasit told P’Thana that he had secretly liked me since year one, but I never knew about his feelings...

Wai said that if Thana succeeded, he would step back and not interfere with me or Thana again. This is probably what Wai is doing now. He is trying to avoid me. With Wai distancing himself from me, I felt more uncertain and wrong about choosing Thana. I agreed to date Thana, but I had to pay for the loss of my best friend.

I clenched my fists while the feelings and thoughts in my head clashed.  The thought crossed my mind that maybe I should break up with Thana now and get my Wai back. 

When I think carefully, I realize that things between me and Wai would still change because I now know that Wai also thinks of me more than friends. I won’t be able to look at him the same way anymore because things have changed.

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The food court at the top floor of the medical building is full of staff and health science students who come to have lunch. There are many restaurants lined up with a variety of dishes to choose from. I queued in line to order rice topped with curry from my regular restaurant. After paying, I took my plate and sat at a long table near a group of nursing students.

“Ton! This way!” Wan’s voice called for me from behind. I turned to see where the voice came from. Wan and three people from her group of friends were eating at the table near mine.  The four people at the table were Wan, Jade, Som Cheng, and Somchai, four friends who often go everywhere together. “Come and sit with us.”

I nodded. I took my plate of rice and got up to sit with them at their invitation. I sat next to Somchai, who is the only male friend sitting at the table. Somchai turned toward me and gave me a sweet smile. It is well known that Mr. Somchai is a friend of the girls in our class. His face is white, smooth, with pink lips. I put my plate of rice down on the table and sat down on the bench.

“Strange, did you not come here today with Wai?" Jade asked me with a puzzled look on her face.

I shook my head, “I wonder if he went back to sleep at the dorm?”

“No, no. We have another lecture at 1:00.” Wan lifted her watch up to look at the time, “It's insanely boring this week. We have lectures filling my whole schedule. They are all about performing surgery. I just want to go to the actual operating room more."

"We will be in there soon." I looked at Wan, who seemed bored. Her name is Wan, but her mannerisms do not match with her name. She is a daring woman who likes to do procedures. It's her life, so it's not surprising that she has said to everyone that she wants to study plastic surgery.

**T/N: The name Wan roughly translates to a “sweet” or colorful person**

I noticed that Somchai kept glancing at me. I turned to look at Somchai in suspicion, “Is something wrong?”

“Oh sorry, Ton. I don't know why I feel like watching you...” Somchai shrugged slightly.

Wan laughed, “Somchai is enamored with Ton, but he has to be even more beautiful to compete with that girl from the faculty of administration. Otherwise you won't get snatched up, Somchai.”

Ah... Wan, she doesn’t know, but I didn't say anything, I just kept my head down to eat my own food. Somchai gave a playful smile and made a face. The conversation at the table continued in a relaxed and playful manner.

Speaking about the administration girl … this also got me thinking.

I called Bee after I finished talking to Thana at the coffee shop, and I apologized to Bee and said that we wouldn't be able to get back together again. Bee cried and said something that made me freeze. “I talked with P’Wai, and he told me that you wanted to talk to me again. I thought you would forgive me.” After thinking for a while, I realized that the evening that P’Thana confessed his love to me, Wai sent a Facebook chat to Bee saying, as if I told him, that I wanted to talk to Bee. This was why she called me that evening, and Wai knew that I had to tell Thana about my call from Bee. This created even more pressure on Thana to confess to me.

Thana said that Wai expected him to confess his love to me that day in order for me to reject him and drive Thana away, but the results did not turn out to be what Waiyasit thought.

Somchai's hand that reached and squeezed my shoulder made me, who was drowning in thoughts, come back to the real world. Wan, Jade, and Som Cheng stood up from the table. I turned to look at Somchai who was giving me a smile. ”Let's go. It is already 12:55. We'll be late to class.”

I was puzzled by Somchai's attitude, but I wasn’t paying attention. I hurriedly got up, put the plates away and followed this group of friends to the Department of Surgery as usual.

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"I said that one day I would be able to see them as a friend again. What Wai probably wants now is time, so you can let go for a while."

Right now, I’m looking for solid advice, and Thana is doing this job well for me as usual. I'm lying on my bed after a long day of classes with my right hand holding the phone to my ear. Thana called me as soon as he finished working, which is something he always does. I used this opportunity to vent to him about what I encountered today. I feel uncomfortable since I can't talk to anyone about this issue. Thana is the only option I have.

“If I take advice like this, it prevents me from seeing you.”

"I don’t mean it like that. I mean give him time to calm down. If the beginning of our relationship bothers him so much now, you two will only hurt each other's feelings."

"And you're fine if I don't talk to Wai because it will cut out your competition.”  I started speaking shortly with Thana, maybe because of our growing intimacy or maybe because my definition of relationship with Thana went beyond “P” and “nong.” I wasn't in the mood to speak to him as sweetly as before.

Thana laughed, “Sometimes I can tell Ton's mouth is getting a lot worse.”

“Is it?”

“It's okay, I like it.”

I raised my left hand up to stroke my face and let out a long sigh. “Enough…”

“Are you saying that because you’re embarrassed?”

What is he saying…

"I just had goosebumps. We are talking about serious things. I lost my best friend because I picked you, did you know that?"

"I know," Thana's voice dropped, "but your best friend is dishonest and not naive.  Do you still want to be friends with him, Ton? I think things have changed already. Maybe you two can go back to being friends for real, but the feeling, atmosphere--these things will never be the same. I think you should consider this part.”

“I know…” I stared aimlessly at the ceiling of the room, “that it is not the same anymore. Wai and I can never be close friends anymore.” Having said that, I was devastated. I’ve known this idiot for the past five years.  It's been five years that made me feel happy. If it wasn't for him, I would have been a stressed student who had no fun.  I would have had no one to vent to when I was stressed. There wouldn’t have been any jokes or irritating gestures that made me laugh every time I saw them. It’s not worth making me feel like this though.

”Ton wants to talk about other men with me, so I’m stressed too." said Thana in a playful tone. I used my fingers to rub the brows that were almost furrowed in knots. At this point, I don't feel bad with Thana calling to talk to me every day, but I would feel uncomfortable if Thana tried flirting with me. I know it's normal for lovers to talk like this, but I'm not used to it. It's still difficult for me to accept anything. I need a little more time to get used to it.

“Then we don't have to talk anymore because I'm only going to talk about this.” I admit that after telling Thana about what I encountered today, I felt much more at ease.

“Hey, you're kidding…”

I sighed deeply, intending for the other person to hear. “So, are you still hearing things?” I asked, following Thana's condition every day. It’s the instinct I have as a doctor.

“I sometimes hear things, but not as often. I can take it. I'm very comfortable.”

“How are you taking this?”

“I mean, how can you tell which sound is true and which is a buzzing sound?”

“Just don't forget to take your medicine.”  If he didn’t hear things that affected his life, I would feel very relieved. However, I should be careful because schizophrenia is different from the disease that I had. Mine only occurs once and then disappears. Thana has a worse prognosis. His disease has a higher chance of recurring and has symptoms that might become more severe over time.

“Yes, sir.” Thana responded to my order to take medicine. “Are you busy tomorrow? Would you like to come and have a snack at a coffee shop tomorrow evening? Come and help cover Aoi’s mouth because she complained until P'Hu was numb.”

“I am not doing anything tomorrow...” I lay and think for a moment, “maybe I’ll go at 5 o'clock in the evening.”

“Okay, what are you going to order? I'll make it for you.”

“Slightly sweet signature iced coffee and banoffee.”

The conversation continued until quite a bit of time had passed. I hung up and looked at the time I spent talking to Thana. We talked for an hour and twenty minutes. I put my warm phone down on my bed and got up.  I went to my desk, so I can sit back and read the lecture a few times before taking a shower. I'm satisfied with how strong my relationship with Thana is today and I hope Thana is satisfied too.