Winstons |The Outsiders|

20. Only The Good Die Young

May 8th, '66

Verna,

This is the fourth time I've tried writing this damn letter, but I always end up throwing it away. I know I said not to wait for a letter or phone call, but plans can change. It's taken me a long time to think about everything I wanna tell you, so here goes nothing.

It's not your fault. You didn't make me run away, I left because I needed to. It's not your fault Dallas left, and it isn't your fault Charlie wasn't the man you thought he was. I don't care if you believe me, but Charlie got what he deserved.

I still think a bullet to the chest was a little too kind.

I'm doing really good down here. I'm turning sixteen in a few days, and Dallas and I have good friends we're gonna celebrate with. Remember the birthday parties you used to put on when we were younger? Dallas and I were talking about them last night. Do you remember Buck Merrill, The skinny kid who lived across the hall? We've been staying with him, and he lets us borrow his car sometimes. Dal has even been teaching me how to drive.

I got a boyfriend too, an actual boyfriend. His name is Ponyboy, (I'm serious, and I have to be nice because he's gonna proofread this letter when I'm done). He's sweet and funny, and top of his class in school. Why he decided I was the one, I have no idea.

I hope you're doing okay, I really do. It took me a while to realize how difficult life is. Being sixteen is hard, and I can't imagine being married, especially to a guy like Charlie. You did the best you could, and what you had to.

You did the best you could Verna, you tried your hardest to protect your kids and yourself. Sometimes you had to do bad things, but for a good reason. I was angry with you for a long time. I didn't understand how you could still be with Charlie, or how you could bring men home from the bar every night. Dallas didn't get it, either.

I want you to know that I forgive you. I want you to know that even if we never said it, we were so glad that you were there.

You were there when we had nightmares, you were there for our birthdays, you were there when Charlie was drunk, and then you tried to protect us.

I'm not gonna tell you where we are, and I'm doing it to protect you.

It'll be a lifetime before I ever see you again, we're never coming back to New York.

It's not your fault, it's ours. We made more enemies than friends, and now that we're older, we have to protect ourselves.

I was thinking about you the other day, it was a thunderstorm and it woke me up. I remembered being younger and hiding from the thunder with you under the blankets in your bedroom. You'd make up stories, let us eat candy, sometimes you'd sing.

Do you still sing?  You'd sing You Are My Sunshine all the time when I was little.

I lost your ring a couple months ago, I was thinking about that, too.

I wouldn't be able to forget you if I tried.

I'm never gonna forget the way you danced around in the kitchen with me on your hip, and I'm never gonna forget the way you let me play with your makeup.

You're always gonna be my mom, and I'm always gonna love you.

I'm sorry I can't say it in person.

p.s. Dallas forgives you too.

- Hannah

She dropped the letter into the mailbox, the door shut with a metal clang. She chewed on her lip as she stared at the mailbox, the deep blue paint glistening in the spring sunlight. Behind her, Dallas laid on the horn of Buck's T-Bird.