Descent

CHAPTER 16

"I thought I might find you here." Leah said. She sat beside me on a broken log abandoned on the shore of the beach.

"Mom and dad are worried sick." That didn't make me feel any better.

My fingers felt raw from where I had picked at them until they bled.

"I didn't mean for that to happen. I just....." I breathed a weary sigh. "I couldn't stay. I had to get away."

"I know. But after everything that has happened, you shouldn't just take off like that. We are your family Bella. We are here for you if you would let us. "

I tensed feeling the emotion crawling up my throat.  Not again, please. I begged.

I felt like I had shed enough tears to hold me over for an eternity.

"The pack is okay, by the way." It felt like my heart splintered inside. They had needed me and I hadn't come to their aid like a child who needed to be consoled.

I let my fear consume me and if something had happened to the pack it would have been my fault for chickening out.

"Whoever was out there got away." Again. They weren't going to be found until they wanted to be.

"How did you find me?" I wasn't surprised to find my voice as hollow as I felt.

Leah paused before answering. "I helped mom and dad search when I got home and found out what happened to no avail.  We couldn't find you. It wasn't until we were almost home that I remembered when we use to come here together when we were younger.  It was when mom and dad would get onto us for messing with Seth. He would tattle on us and we would run here where they couldn't find us to avoid punishment. " She laughed and it was as infectious as the happiness of the moment she was recalling.

I warmed at the memory.

That was right. This had been our safe haven when we wanted to run from our problems.

One I still clung to.

"Do you want to tell me what happened?"

"What happened is that I'm a coward. I failed my pack and tribe by leaving them to fend for themselves against the enemy. I felt paralyzed in the moment. I just couldn't move to run to them. My body wouldn't budge. It told me to flee but it wasn't to the pack. I ran away to here, as far as I could get from the pain I wanted to leave behind." I choked on the words.

Leah's face fell in anguish. She pushed some hair that was falling in my eyes back behind my ear. I didn't even need to see it to know my hair looked a mess. I was a mess.

"I don't mean out there. I mean in here." She tapped my temples. "What is going on in there.  It's not like you to run away, not even when things get tough. You have always been one to stand up to the challenge and to be there for those in need."

Great, just more things for me to be ashamed about.

"I've tried to imagine, " She went on. "What it has been like for you, being the only female werewolf.  At first I was glad because it meant Sam wouldn't be alone out there. He would have someone to watch his back and I knew he would protect yours. I also had someone to finally talk to about it."

"Yeah, I could never believe Sam told you. He totally broke the rules by doing that." And so had I when I told Seth. I leaned forward to pick up a stick and started drawing random designs into the sand.

It gave my hands something to do.

Leah smiled. "He didn't have to tell me he was a werewolf. We were making out when suddenly he pulled back and next thing I knew he had phased into a wolf right through the bay window of his parent's living room. It became kind of obvious then." I bet.