Things I wanted to say but never did

IV

To the person I let go,

This letter is filled with words I was never able to tell you until it was too late. One day or never, you might come across this and thus, I hope you will come to the realization that I truly loved you.

You know I was never that type of person to snitch on my exes, so don't expect me to do the same thing here and I also don't want anyone to judge you, despite us hurting each other. This is something only we understand.

Where do I start?

There are so many things I loved about you and those are the things that leave me thinking about you. I regret not being there all the time and for being toxic as hell.

I'm truly sorry.

You know I never apologize sincerely but I hope you do accept this one.

Sorry for bringing this up, but thinking about our past makes me smile a lot, it hurts.

I remember the first time I met you. My mates called you a "toxic whore who stalked one of them". As I always am known as the one with the "guts" I was asked to call you. Thinking about it makes me laugh and shake my head.

You must've been weirded out by a stranger, suddenly calling you in the evening and writing you non-stop. I even lied to you about being your senior and giving you an alias.

I'm sorry for that. I must've scared you a lot my dear.

The next few days, we would laugh and talk shit about you. I was too blind to even get to know you better and just went with their flow. Thinking about it makes me want to punch them now and I wish I did so sooner.

We decided to meet up as days got longer and I got to know the real you. It fascinated me how easily you'd give in and accept the fake me. I got curious and excited, so did my mates.

You were standing in the spot I told you to meet up and I just thought "What a fool you are". You smiled as if everything was okay and I smiled, because I was about to crush you down for the sake of my mate.

We got closer as times flew by and I told you who I actually was without them knowing. You said you knew so and still decided to hang out with me after that.  You told me the reason behind the stalking. It was a stupid bet and your friends confessed it to me as well... The closer we got, the more I lost my friend circle. But I didn't care about that and focused more on you. I even forgot about my actual plan.

I don't regret it one bit.

Your smile mesmerized me and it made my heart skip beats, your dimples made me crazy, your soft touch made my knees tremble,
Your voice is as sweet as honey,
Your eyes caught me off guard making me want to stare at you forever,
Your intelligence was sexy as hell,
Your hugs made me feel safe,
I wish gave you more kisses,

There are so many things about you which I want you to know. I'd be considered a simp now, but fuck that. Maybe I am one for you?

I still remember confessing to you and how shit made me nervous as hell. It was a feeling I never felt before. Telling others was easy and chill, but when it came to you... I felt like loosing my mind.

Then out of the blue, you said you loved me too.

I felt like the happiest human on earth, I could've jumped out from the window out of happiness. I wondered what would've happened if we got married? Maybe I would've died  beacause of over happiness.

Of course, my mates weren't cool with that but did I give a shit? We still got together. I was never that type to catch feeling asap. I don't know what you did to me, but I loved it.