Dear Winston | The Outsiders

1:4

I looked directly at Jeanna's doped up eyes, all her feelings and pains far gone from the present moment. It looked nice, she probably felt alive but gone, like the feeling of knowing that nothing truly matter at that point and that everything would be taken care of later. It made me wanna get doped up, taste the chemically fuzz against my throat, let the buzz fuel my veins.

I reached for J's hand (J is a nickname that everyone calls her) grabbing it gently and hoisting her body up, she wobbled, falling against my body. I gripped her waist to help her steady herself. She flopped against me like a dead fish, I didn't necessarily want to help her, but here I was.

"J, you gotta stand straight, I cant hold you like this forever" I said as i backed away from her, still helping her steady herself.

Jeanna's giggle bounced through the alley, almost like a cute screeching, her short blond hair fell in front of her eyes as she hurried towards me and fell into my arms yet again. All I wanted was for her to stop.

Seeing Jeanna like this just fueled the itch to use, I needed it so badly, I needed to be high, to feel like nothing was something. I knew if I used, I wouldn't be wanting to squeeze Jeanna's head till her soft green eyes popped out of her skull.

I grabbed J's arm and tugged her towards my car. Her warm hand rushed with drug infused blood, it was almost like i could feel it bleeding into my veins. I pushed Jeanna's body into my car, making sure she was safe but stuck in the back seat.

I gripped onto the steering wheel, watching my knuckles go white with pressure. "Where ya taking me?" Jeanna chanted, I couldn't bare to tell her I was taking her home.

J's parents hated J for being a druggy, they wanted a normal kid but instead got a lunatic. The last straw for them was J's major acid trip that landed her in the psych ward. They put her in therapy and rehab but that didn't stop her. She kept using, she's an addict and not any ordinary addict. She's going to be homeless if she doesn't quit, or even worse. Dead.

Jeanna begged for me to tell her. After trying and trying, I couldn't keep my mouth shut any longer. "Your parents' house" I stared through the rear view mirror at her face, her jaw dropped extremely low. She didn't say a word, she just watched me, with anger, fear, hatred, envy.

"No. No. No. No. No." The words spewed out of J's mouth, getting progressively faster and scary loud.

"Calm yourself" I said as I tried to keep my composure and keep my voice as soft and soothing as possible. "You need help, and as much as I wish to help you, I'm fighting my own mind. Your parents are the second best option"

J sat there in complete shock, she undid her seatbelt and launched herself at me, clawing at my neck and arms. I tossed my fist at her nose, trying to pull over, turning on my hazards to warn others that I wasn't in a good spot.

J slammed her fist into my eye, she punched me all over, leaving welt like bruises as she went, I tried to swerve around traffic to get to the side of the road. Jeanna kept punching and scratching at my skin
. She pulled out her blade and that was it.

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I watched the nurse give me more morphine as I laid in the hospital bed, I was drowsy and loopy, nothing made too much sense. The light was perfect, it stared into my eyes creating animals dancing through the room. Then everything went away as I crashed into a deep slumber.

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I stared at the ceiling as the doctor took notes on how I was acting and feelings. "You're lucky that you're not dead" He said, I slowly moved my head to face him, blinking slowly and yawning. I wish I was dead. I hated this feeling, it was gross, I wanted to spit everything out that was in my body. "All your cuts are sealed, three major cuts on your abdomen and the rest were like small scrapes. Bruises covering you from head to about knees"

"Wow. No shit" I said sarcastically, rolling my eyes and turning my head away.

"You have two visitors coming in at 1 o'clock" He said as he left my enclosure, my tight space, my closet like hospital room. The visitors were obviously going to be Dallas and Sabrina, there was no doubt on that. at least I hope they come.