Dear Winston | The Outsiders

1:5

I sprawled myself out on my bed as much as I could, letting all my ligaments stretch as much as possible. I could hear my back crack like it usually did when I stretched. Sabrina would often look at me and tell me that all hot girls have back issues and then she'd crack her own back. Always a fun time.

I relaxed a little and watched Mr & Mrs Springs walk in the room. Jeanna's parents. Mr Springs was wearing a black suit with a daisy in the left pocket, Jeanna's favourite flower. Mrs Springs wore a black dress and a black hat with mesh falling in front of her face.

They sat in the two chairs off to the right in my hospital room. The awkward silence was the most painful thing I've been through. Not even the stabbing was as painful.

Mrs Springs rose up and walked towards me with slow and small strides, she always made herself look like a rich, snobby person when in reality she's not. She placed her hand softly on my shoulder and teared up a little, whimpering.

"Jeanna... she's... she's dead" My heart sunk to the floor, my entire body felt numb. I held myself back from crying as Mrs Springs cried and her husband held her close.

My best friend was gone, she was completely gone. I caused it, I was the one bringing her to her parents place, I made her go insane, I didn't protect her like I promised her parents that I would do. I wanted to help, but any help she got, she would turn down and keep going on that awful road. All the things I could've prevented.

She was dead because of me.

"I'm sorry" I said, I shut my eyes, holding back all my tears. I couldn't help but want to cry. The urge to use burned, almost too much for me to handle.

"Don't be. She attacked you" Mr Springs said, patting his wife's shoulder.

"Yeah, but it was my fault, I was bringing her to you guys, she was loopy and I didn't know what else to do, I'm in my own goddamn war and I couldn't really help her" Tears flooded my eyes, making everything look fuzzy and blob like.

"It isn't your fault, Sylvia. She won't get help, we all knew she was going to die one way or another. There's not much we can do now. We're just lucky that you're still alive" Mrs Springs kissed my forehead, I smiled through my tears, they knew the smile was fake. Then they left and I cried. I cried as hard as I could.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dallas sent me flowers, the scent flooded the room, filling the air with this cloudy sweet smell. It filled my lungs, fogging up the inside of my body. I felt like I could barely breathe but I couldn't get rid of the flowers. Dallas didn't visit me, he at least thought about me and cared enough to send me flowers. Which is saying a lot for the Dallas Winston.

I wish he would visit me, but I knew our relationship was going to come to an end. Probably for good, he was distant and left me feeling lonely, I wanted to lay in his arms and for him to tell me that everything was going to be ok.

I wanted him to tell me that J wasn't dead, that J was only hurt. Was I going to get sued for murder? I was the driver, but she assaulted me. I've never been in this type of situation. It scared me half to death. I don't want jail time. Jail would ruin my life.

I really wanted Dallas to visit me, maybe he could tell me about jail and how to survive, how to make sure I don't get killed by the other people. He would help me, he'd know what to do. He goes to jail and comes out like it was nothing.

One time I went to pick up Dallas from the cooler, he looked all bruised up and broken like if his cellmates beat it out of him. I started driving down the highway, blabbering on like I usually do, Dallas kept his eyes peeled on the streets. For a second I thought "This man lost all interest in me" so i shut my trap and kept driving. Soon enough Dal tells me to park the car and come with him. After watching a random guy hang around his nice car, Dally turns to me and says "Whore up, I want that car" You can come to the conclusion of that.

I'm surprised he didn't end up in jail after stealing that car. I'm pretty sure his buddies did when they set the fucker on fire, I was there watching, Dal hanging onto me like I was the hottest chick in the whole town. We ran when we heard sirens. I remember giggling away after escaping and Dallas was actually proud of me. That's when I was sure he loved me.

I'm not too sure he loves me anymore. Boyfriends are supposed to visit you in the hospital, right?

Or am I so lost in this fantasy romance movie that I can't see the reality that I'll have to face?