Resentment

Lunch By The Lake

Neverland Ranch, Santa Barbara, CA, 2nd September 1997
1:45pm

Afia had always wondered if she was built for any of this.

To be a mother.
To be a wife.

It seemed to come so naturally, to most of the women that she'd encountered through Chantelle's Kindergarten.

But that was just how women in Santa Barbara came across.
Californian women always seemed to be so effortless.

So perfect.

It was as if nothing could penetrate through the walls they'd built up around their identities.

Even when Afia sought meaningful conversations with the women from Chantelle's Kindergarten groups, she never got passed a certain level.

They all seemed to soldier on.

What was there to truly complain about?

They had rich husbands.
They were women of the sun.
Women who were born and raised to be housewives and doting mothers.

Some were career women.
Some were celebrities.
None of them, could seem to get passed Afia's last name being Jackson.

California, was in Afia's mind, a place where dreams came to die.

When she first arrived here, entourage in tow, she had never imagined that she would be married and pregnant within two years.

She never imagined, not even for a moment, that the man she'd be pregnant by, was Michael.

Though she'd known of him, and admired and crushed on him, she didn't ever think that he would go to great lengths to get into contact with her.

To pursue her.
To marry her.

Even when she noticed him turning up at her shows, and purchasing backstage tickets to meet her directly, she naively believed he was just a fan of her sound and her work.

Afia had always been skeptical of Michael.
Right from the start.

But real, true love, can override all common sense.

If she of course, was able to rule with her head, who knows if she'd of even entertained a relationship.

That was too much to think about, Afia pondered, glaring directly into the sun.

It made her squint her eyes, seeping in behind her eyeballs and into her eye sockets.

California was so hot.

Afia could feel her vision becoming blurry.

She adored how the sun rested on her, weighing her down.

It was so grounding.

"You're gonna go blind," Michael sniffed, as she quickly turned to him and refocused, "Afia, I'm not gonna be your guide dog if you go blind.." He snickered, and now she was looking at him straight on.