All Four Of Me

Chapter 33

MITCHELL

The auditorium is filled with the sounds of laughter and loud conversation, reminding me of when I had attended this same excursion with my friends only a few short years ago. I have to admit, the second time around has been a lot more interesting than the first, but I am fairly certain that is only because I have been spending the day listening to Kenzie instead of paying attention to my surroundings.

Engaging Kenzie in a normal conversation on any given day is usually a challenging task in its own right, but when she is experiencing higher levels of anxiety it is almost impossible to get anything out of her at all. That's why when she started asking questions about her alters instead of retreating into her shell I was completely taken by surprise. At the very most I thought she would have been open to mindless small talk, things that don't require too much emotional energy, but having listened to her voice her uncertainties I am glad that I had been wrong.

Whatever Dr Miller has been doing during their sessions has worked wonders in shifting her attitude towards her alters. Only a couple of weeks ago Kenzie was dead set against having anything to do with them, and now by some miracle she has somehow found it in her to not only try and tolerate her alters, but also make an effort to understand and empathise with their circumstances.

Her bravery and maturity when facing the problems life throws at her astounds me. When I was her age, I would complain about almost anything that caused me a minor inconvenience. My mum was smothering me with too much love? I would whine to her about how annoying she was until she finally backed off in tears. Chris pushed off our plans because his shifts kept changing? I would guilt trip him into believing that he was the worst brother in the world for choosing his work over our family time. My friends blew me off to hang out with their girlfriends? I wouldn't talk to them for days after.

All of these things that I would get worked up over seem irrelevant when stacked up next to the issues Kenzie has to deal with on a daily basis, and if it had been me in her situation, I probably would have given up on myself and the world by now. Whereas I had been a selfish, immature asshole in my middle teen years, Kenzie has taken everything in her stride with minimal complaint in response, and somehow despite the immense level of suffering she has experienced, she still has hope that things are going to get better.

The feeling of my phone vibrating in the back pocket of my jeans draws my attention away from the excited noises filling the hall, and when I pull it out of my pocket and check the user ID at the top of the message I almost roll my eyes. Everyone within our household has texted me for an update at least once during the day, but there are certain people who are more anxious about this outing than others, and by "certain people", I mean Nathan.

This is the tenth text I have received from him today and if I didn't understand where his worry was coming from, I probably would have ignored his message. However, Nathan's concerns are real and after watching Kenzie struggle to keep her anxiety under control all day, I can't say I blame him for being so overbearing. We have all experienced the aftermath of one of her worser episodes and it is safe to say that not a single one of us would like to be caught unprepared again in the future.

How's everything going? Is Kenzie doing ok?

I contemplate telling him about the flashback, but quickly change my mind when I realise what reaction I would receive in response. Kenzie has these flashbacks all the time, and while there have been a few instances that have triggered her alters, the majority of the time she recovers within a few minutes. Telling Nathan about this will only make him more anxious about this excursion than he already is, so instead I decide that it is safer to just send him the same answer as the last nine times.