Werewolves Don't Cry (BoyxBoy) [On Hold]

18| Not Your Mate

"Hello?"

Jesse waved a hand in front of Gray's face to snap him back to reality. The last thing Gray said before he went silent was "Since the accident." That was enough to change the mood of both boys to grief.

"What?" Gray fluttered his eyes back to Jesse. "Sorry. I was just." He looked at the stress ball in his hand and paused. "I..."

"You were thinking about the accident?"

"Yeah."

Gray snapped his head back to Jesse. He didn't want to remind him, of all people, about that dreadful day. Gray always had a feeling that Jesse never recovered from it. Then after their conversation at the hospital yesterday, Jesse confirmed to him that he was "Not OK. I was never OK."

The once big blue vibrant eyes were now downcasted, miserable, and dim. Jesse lost more than a dad and a little sister. He lost his old self, the happy, innocent, and worry-free self. Now, it seemed all he had been doing was worrying—terrified of losing another loved one.

Jesse turned his wounded gaze back to Gray. To him, Gray was a member of his family.

His eyes trailed at Gray's thick left brow where the scar was. He remembered how they thought Gray's eye was injured, but, thankfully, when the doctors cleaned the blood off his face, they realized it was just his eyebrow. Now all that remained was a hairless cool slit. Then Jesse stared down at those plump lips. He noticed the sunken scar right above his upper lip, where another wound was also treated after that tragic accident.

"Sorry." Gray moved his gaze to the floor. "I didn't mean to bring it up."

"Hey. Don't worry about it. "Jesse smiled. "I'm fine."

A content smile settled on Jesse's face, a smile that meant more than just Gray being a member of the family. Gray was a brother, a best friend, and someone he'd trust with his life. Jesse was glad he didn't lose Gray that day.

Despite Jesse's effort to look at a glass half full, his smile fell. He worried again. That was one piece of him he lost that day. He wouldn't stop worrying.

Every time Jesse smiled, he would dread it. Every time he was happy, he would think something bad might happen. He felt it like a shadow of a giant black bird hovering over him, ready to strike again.

That was why he was always the first to leave the relationship before he got too attached to someone. Being intimate with a person for more than a week meant he'd grow inseparable feelings for them. It was best to leave them before they do. Still, Jesse craved intimacy to fill a broken part of him he never knew how to fix.

It was best to leave them before they die and leave him alone.

"Rose gave me this that day." Gray lifted the ball up, gaining Jesse's attention. "She told me to practice my muscles after the coma." He scooted over next to Jesse. "Then it kinda became a habit."