Hetalia Crack: "The Post-Apocalyptic World"

Japan's Diarrhea

"Japan has been acting really weird these past few days, aru..." I whisper to myself then enter his study carefully. I hope he wouldn't get mad at me for checking up on him, I'm just really worried.

I scope out the room and notice a notebook on his futon. "Maybe that will give me a clue." I think to myself as I sit down on his futon and gently grab the notebook to read the title: "Diary/////"

The rest of it is smudged and hard to read, but I believe it says "Diaryyhea." My English isn't the best but I'm a good reader for sure! It must be some kind of medical textbook or something, maybe he's been sick these past few days?

I open the book to the first page, "Entry Number 1: February 4th, 2018." This is from a week ago! Let me read the rest.

"Dear Diaryyhea,
America has been spending time at my place recentry-"

Wait, Japan writes his accent out in books? He doesn't have to do that, I guess he's just self aware. I think as I continue to read.

"It's rearry nice having some company around, I get ronery sometimes. Doesn't everyone?"

I didn't know he felt that way! I should spend time with Japan more often. I then flip to the next page.

Entry Number 2: February 5th, 2018."
"Herro Diaryyeah,
it's night-time right now. America is sreeping in the other room and I'm grad he hasn't found the stuff yet. Besides that I rearry enjoyed KFC with him, usuarry that's a Christmas dericacy, so I was very happy. Goodnight."

He's definitely hiding something. I noticed America's been busy lately, I guess he's been hanging out with Japan.

Entry Number 3: February 6th, 2018.
"Oh Kami herp, he found the hentai correction. He wanted to watch some anime, so I tord him the DVD's are under the TV. I must've forgot to hide "Robot Titties: Rimited Deruxe Urtimate Edition Season 4 Episode 8" during spring creaning! The thing I feared most is becoming my rearity. He arready is begging to see more. Kuso, he's coming in, I have to go now."

I hold my hand over my mouth in shock. How'd he get his hands on the Limited Deluxe Edition? I haven't heard of anyone having that in years! I flip to the next page, eager to find out what happens next.

Entry Number 4: February 7th, 2018
"Today was worse than yesterday. America ordered a body pirrow, I don't even recognize the character or the materiar, it must be handmade from another country! He even asked me to do ahegao face! After terring him "No" for the 32nd time he gave up. It's driving me crazy."

What the hell is ahegao? I should ask him about it later- or maybe not, I don't want to traumitize him. I thumb the next page over.

Entry Number 5: February 8th, 2018.
"I CÆŅŤ TÃĶĒ ĮȚ ÆÑÝMŒŘĖ, HĒ WØŘÊ ÆŃ ÃHÉĞĄÖ HÓÖĐÍĒ ŤŌĐÆÝ. ĪM ĞÓÏŃĞ ȚÓ HÎĐÉ ÃȚ ÃŃÕŢHÉŘ ČÔÚŇŢŘÎĒŞ HÖÚ§Ē."

The handwriting was really messy and pressured hard into the paper, there was a sense of fear and bad emotion in his writing this day. I began to sift through his notebook and some pages were torn out, the rest of the book was blank.

"I need to talk about this at the world meeting, we have to find Japan, aru." I said to myself and shut the notebook.

---

Some of the countries are in the meeting room, the only ones part of the Allies that are missing are China and America. "This tea has the essence of spunk, if you know what I mean." Britain began to chuckle and wink at the others. "I'm afraid I have no idea what zat means." France laughs sheepishly. "What? I thought you were a pervert?" England's bushy eyebrows lifted and his eyes widened. "Uhhh, you all say zat but..." France anxiously trails off.

"What's up dudes?!" America came in with a slam of the door. Everyone went silent. "This is my new G-F and her name is Miku. Now, I know what you're thinking, "America, you're cheating on Mekkaina from Robot Titties!" But let me tell you guys; it's an open-marriage. She agreed to this. It's okay." America was shaking.

...

Countries began exchanging looks with each other.

Immediately, Switzerland starts loading his gun and takes a step in front of Liechtenstein. At the same time, Ukraine and Hungary are covering the micronation's and child countries' eyes.

"What the hell-a are you wearing you fat Americano bastard?" Romano is the first to speak. It seems he has taken a notice to his ahegao hoodie and sweatpants combo. "Oh, you want one too? Don't be shy! I bought it off Ah~Mazon." He beams.

Unaware to most of the crowd due to America and Romano's bickering, Greece and another person sneak into the meeting room. They take their seats near the Allied countries. "Who's your new friend?" Russia looks at the person clothed in all black. "Japan." Greece says. "Greece, no!" He cries out and it's already too late. America screamed, "Did someone say Japan?!"

---

I was running to the meeting room, I hope I wasn't late yet. I began to open the door and I heard Japan screaming. It sounds agonizing, like he has just been stabbed in an organ or something!

"Hold it right there, aru!" I slam the door open and see America running like a rabid dog towards a person clothed in black. That must be Japan!

"Oh no you don't!" I tackle him to the floor with a massive thud. "I'm going to beat the star splanged shit out of you!" I ready my fist then I suddenly hear a gun shot.

"MY WAIFU, NO!" He screams and begins to cry uncontrollably while clinging to some weird pillow. "Have you been shot anywhere?!" I begin to survey him for any gun shot wounds. "No... but Miku has. I'm afraid she won't make it to her next Vocaloid concert..." He sniffles. I notice the hole in the pillow and an awful lot of the pillow's filling begins to shoot out. It's probably because he's hugging it so hard.

"Don't vorry, I'm a professional doctor!" Prussia runs from the other side of the room and kneels next to the American. I back away. "Let me see her, zere's a chance we can still save her!" He yells and begins to do chest compressions on the body pillow and filling shoots out even more. The room looks on in horror at the sight. Prussia then brings his lips close to the pillow.

A huge slap reverberates around the room. "What the hell man, you're really going to kiss my waifu on her death bed? You're sick!" America yells and rips Prussia off from the pillow.

Some of the Nordics then close into the scene. Sweden places the deflated waifu Miku body pillow on a miniature boat. "Guys, what are you doing..?" America begins to sweat but doesn't interfere. Denmark pulls out a match and sets the structure on fire and cheers, "Go for it, Nor!"

Norway says "Viking funeral." Then pushes the burning boat out the window with a loud crash. "MIKU!" America cries and jumps out the window to pursue his love. All that is heard is sobbing from a few floors below and sirens.

"I'm not sure I believe in life after death anymore, aru..." I scratch my head and look over to Japan. He appears to be passed out, I wouldn't blame him. Regardless, I begin to walk over to him and I've already thought of a way to bring him back to consciousness; "Ahegao." I say and Japan deeply inhales as if he got punched in the stomach and his eyes shoot open.

"Don't scare me rike that again!" He frowns. "It's okay now, he jumped out the window." I assure him. "HE WHAT?" Japan rolls back into his chair and his eyes do the same. "Uh, is someone going to fix that window?" Italy comments. Germany facepalms then pulls out documents.

---

"No one really looked at America the same way ever again." Switzerland sips his tea. "Oh, okay. Why'd you shoot his wife though?" Liechtenstein tilts her head. "Because some people don't know how to act in front of children." He balls his fist. "Aww, I wish I got to see what happened. You were in front of me the whole time though..." She frowned.