How the Soul Sings

Chapter Fourteen

Chapter Fourteen

           

Mamma made sure that there was a long and beautiful obituary about Loraine, accompanied by her best photo, in the paper. My aunt knew a lot of people; so naturally, there was a crowd at her funeral. She was more or less the socialite of our county. Our phone practically rang off the hook and our mailbox over ran with condolences, once her obituary was printed. Her casket was white and a large spread of orchids and hydrangea (Which my mother had to pay extra for, since they weren't easy to come by at the tail end of winter.) covered the center of it. I had the funniest thought at her service: that about this time last year, it very easily could have been me that they were burying. Then I felt a little guilty, but glad, that I had failed at trying to do myself in, because it would have meant putting my poor mother through this twice. First her only daughter, then next, her very best friend and I guess, as it turned out, the love of her life. Life can be so bitterly unfair.

Jesse Sr. and I quickly put my brother to work after our aunt's funeral. Momma still wasn't up to much then and wouldn't be for quite some time. I showed Aaron everything I had learned from Jesse Sr. and Momma, about milking and caring for the goats and now the sheep. My brother kinda stumbled around with remembering how to do everything again, like a baby just learning to walk. Which, speaking of, Lily had just started to, not long after my aunt had passed away. It made me sad to realize that there was still so much life going on; lambs and kids being born and that she was missing seeing her only grandchild take her first steps. I know that the world doesn't just suddenly stop for you just because someone else has stopped being in it... It was weird not having her here. Her annoying, cheery voice echoing through the house at the crack of dawn, the whimsy she found in everyday life that you wouldn't ever realize was there until she pointed it out to you. And her grace. She moved around like she was always gliding on air and she had good taste in fashion, art and just about everything else, though as a stubborn teenager, I'd never admit that there were things about her that I had managed to admire. She was the music in our house and obviously, the song in Momma's heart. It was too quiet, too still without her busyness.

Grandma Evee explained it perfectly to me, about my mother and Loraine. I asked her shyly one day if she knew and dared to want to know her thoughts on it because I was still desperate to understand and I soaked up every word like a sponge.

"Love isn't always bout who you go to bed with, Charlotte." Evee started out. "It about kismet. You know what that word mean?"

"I guess I do."

"Kismet is a spark of light that shine brighter than any other star in the universe between two people. It is kinship, understandin' an soulmate, all found together an you only find it once. It what make the heart dance an the soul sing. An we done always get to choose who we fall in love with. This I know to be true." I watched Evee suddenly stop chopping vegetables and put her knife down to dry her eyes with the dishtowel that was slung over her shoulder. "When I was sixteen, I fell in love with a white boy an he love me, too, somethin' fierce between us. We ran away so we could be together, cause back then, we both be lynched for bein' seen together. We eventually found a minister willing to marry us an it was wonderful. We thought we was gone have a normal life an all that, raise us some children on a farm. We had us a small shack on a little bit of land with a field of corn already started, an some sheep, a cow an some chickens. But Lordy, he made this mistake one day of writtin' home to his kinfolks an they soon caught up to us. His family came in the middle of the night with guns an done dragged him outta bed by his feet while another covered my head with a pilla while sittin' on top me sos I couldn't get up an move to stop them. They kidnap him an forced him back home an had the whole thing annulled under the grounds that we was breakin' the law. I heard that the minister that married us had his church burnt to the ground an I later found out through a friend that his folk kept him chained in the basement, refusin' to let him loose 'til the annulment went through. Aroun' that time this all happened, I figured out that I was expectin'. So alone with only a few dollars in my pocket from sellin' off all my animals fo' cheap, cause people done like to pay colored folks nothin' for anything, I sheepishly crawled back home with my head hung low, prayin' fo' fo-giveness the whole way. An my folks weren't too none happy about what I done, either an knowin' that I was carryin' his baby, technically outta wedlock now, didn't sit too well with them none. Lord child, my pa whipped me somthin' awful! Gave me lashes with his belt across my back an behind. He didn't stop 'til he done runned outta en'gy an I didn't have any mo skin left to split. I think he was tryin' to beat that bastard mongrel child, he called it, outta me. I mighta faired bett'a takin' my chances runnin' away an risk bein' lynched than facin' the wrath of my father if I'd known that was how it was all gone to end. But because he couldn't, aft'a all was said an done, they banished me from the family farm an sent me on down the road with nothin' mo' than my bible an the dress that I was wearin'. That's when I found yo' great-grand daddy, Earl Lawson. You know he was a doctor, right?" I told her that I did. "He caught me sleepin' out there in that barn you tried to string yo'self up in, when I had no wheres else to go. He coulda called the sheriff on me an I coulda had my baby on the dirty, cold flo' of the county jail! But Earl, he was a good man. He knew bein' a doctor an all, that would be cruel an not the healthy way for a baby to start his life. I told him what had happened, an he an yo' great-grandmother agreed to let me stay here an raise my baby boy, Jesse Sr's father, Marshall. I was allowed to stay in exchange fo' helpin' aroun' the farm an helpin' yo' great-grandmother aroun' the house. I eventually remarried a man I met at church, an we moved into to town an he took after Marshall like he was his own. I continued to work fo' yo' great-grandparents an help raise their children an their children's children. But all these years, I never forgot about my first love an my heart still hurts for him, child... today an ev'ry day. There hadn't been a day I done wonder how he is an how his life turned out or if he still thought about me. An I never forgot about the kindness of yo' great-granddaddy, either. He paid for Marshall to go to a negro college to become a doctor, himself. Earl was like a grandfather to him. Then of course, Marshall got married an that where Jesse Sr. come from. Good Lord! I done forgot what I was even startin' to tell you about."