everything but nothing

stuff i can't take in

     He was just like me. It took me a year to understand. We didn't talk much through my second year of middle school but I learned so much about him more than he'll ever learn about me. His dad was a fighter. This boy shaved his head for his dad and was insecure for months but still did it for him. I was so in love I didn't care about his hair being gone, all I wanted to do was give him the tightest hug and be there for him. But we weren't close enough to do that, it would just be called weird if I showed any support towards him. But deep down I hope he knows that I would be there for him no matter what, but I wasn't the girl he wanted. This boy had trust and commitment issues which made it hard for him to ever be in a relationship. But he loved another soul. He loved that soul so much it shattered the heart he gave me when I met him.

He had loved this soul for awhile, not longer than I loved him though. Everyday they got closer and closer and my heart just kept falling and falling, deep into the bottomless pit in my stomach. Everyday that went by I started to make a shell and didn't let anyone else's soul into the heart he gave me. The feeling of love went away, leaving me as just a worn out cell who's soul has been sold to the boy that forgot I existed. Each day I got colder and colder, wishing to find another heart for warmth, but you can only fall in love a certain amount of times, and my time was 1.

A week later they posted together on social media. At this point I felt like I would never be able to feel this feeling of love again. I thought all was lost. No emotions. Cried to much no tears came out. This feeling of darkness invading my body at the second. It's funny because just before they hung out was his birthday. I wrote so much that I kept to myself. All that I posted was "happy birthday have a great day" but what I wanted to post was an entire love song I theoretically wrote on a post. The day after they hung out, they called it quits. They never said why, but the look in his face said it all to me. I knew the girl he liked was hurting but I didn't intentionally feel bad. When they stopped talking this moment came back. But it wasn't as pure as the first time I saw him. It felt so damaged and broken. I didn't feel any love and that heart he brought to me the first year of middle school was far deep, buried away, hoping for an awakening.

Weeks past and we're almost done with the school year. His face was broken, I could tell. But he kept his reputation on and smiled, laughed, made jokes, and was just the boy that everyone known him as. But I knew him as someone different, different from the rest. He was a scared little boy who doesn't like to express his feelings. That sounds familiar right? Who could have guessed that the girl who hides herself everyday would end up meeting this scared quiet boy nobody knew.