THIN ICE |BOOK I |BWWM|

•ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ 22•

•HALF MOON BAY BEACH•

Julia's POV

"So, I thought we had a pretty good time that night, unless I'm looking through rose colored glasses at the whole thing."

"No, It was," -I sigh defeatedly- "It was fun."

"Okay, so I'm confused. You had fun, but ignored me for the rest of the week?"

"Hate to break it to you golden boy, but my life doesn't revolve around you." My thoughtful gaze fell to the sea as it tossed the foamy white tide over my ankles.

"Well that's not fair, mine revolves around you." Matías slipped his hand into mine, bringing my knuckles to his supple kiss.

"Yeah right." I pushed him back playfully as he smirked, still holding my fingers.

"Can I ask you something?" Matías questioned as he leaned his head back, the evening breeze traipsing over his firm, rosy cheekbones while the gentle rays highlighted his perfectly curled lashes.

"Mhm. Shoot."

"What made you say yes? To seeing me again, I mean."

"Sex."

"Really?" He perked up.

"Ha-Ha, no. I've recently been made aware that -due to reasons beyond my control- I have self destructively been seeking bad association with the false assurance that they'll provide me solace."

Matias blinked in confusion as I heard the gears in his head turning.

"Basically, I've been trusting the wrong people. I guess out of convenience or grief...I don't know. I'm still figuring that out."

"Nothing wrong with being confused. I don't think we're supposed to have everything figured out at one time anyway."

"Yeah." I dug my white toes into the warm moist sand.

"That still didn't answer my question though."

"Well full disclosure, my therapist's been making me get in touch with my feelings- such as when I felt most protected. Today she made me write a letter to my dad. It was really hard at first because what do you say to someone who was barely there but was there enough to make you love them? Ya'' know?"

"W-What did you say?" His tips of his words croaked.

"That I missed him, missed him being my safe place, and that I was sorry."

"Sorry for what?"

"I just um- didn't follow the path he wanted me to."

"I get that. Dads can be really hard to please." Matias laid the blanket we brought on a dry area and stripped out of his grey t-shirt.

I swallowed hard, nearly choking.

I think I just forgot how to breathe.

"Y-You and your dad don't, uh, get along?" I sat down, just barely missing the blanket and stretched my legs towards the sea.

He followed suit, sitting opposite of me and leaning back on his elbows.

"No. He doesn't appreciate my forward thinking or my preferences."

"Preferences?"

"My dad still has a very "traditional" ideology about mixing races in marriage."

My heart lurched. I wasn't oblivious to the struggles that my marriage brought, or the harsh reality that dirty looks from an unaccepting part of Adrian's family dished out, but it had been so long. I was beginning to relish in the luxury of ignoring the hate.

"H-How'd you and Veronica meet?" I attempted to keep the conversation going.

"She was one of my sister's friends. I started dating her to piss my father off, but Ronnie...she was my heaven on earth. My refuge. I just didn't like who I was- who my father was grooming me to be - when I was with her. Don't get me wrong, I loved what we had, but between her background in the business and my father's stupid prejudice, it was really hard making it."

"What about now?" I picked at the fabric of Matias' rolled up jeans.

"He hasn't changed much, but neither have my preferences." He reached up, palming my flushed cheek.

I leaned into his caress, my chest fluttering before dying down at the second obstacle mentioned, "A-And what about a girl in the business? Out of the question?"

"Yeah. It's just less baggage to unpack, and now that I have Danny I can't risk his life."

"I understand..."

"But that's why I really like you. This life doesn't offer a lot of security. Yeah you're surrounded by men there to protect you, but everyone can be bought."

I turned my attention to Matais, undividedly watching his pupils expand.

"You tryna tell me you love me or something?" I joked as I laid my cheek on his propped up knee.

"No, just that I meant what I said that night. I wanna know you."

He sat up straight leaning closer until his forehead rested against mine.

"I feel safe with you Mariposa. You're dad's life was his own and you can't help what he did....or what he exposed you to."

My chest welled as I struggled to hold back the tsunami of emotions I kept walled off that Matìas seemed to easily release.

I could've blamed it on the warm setting sun, the enrapturing song of the waves, or even the fragile state of me and Andres' current relationship, but that'd be naïve of me.

Andres told me to be honest with him and I struggled, but it didn't dawn on me that I wasn't being honest with myself.

My hands found their way to Matìas' sea sprayed tresses and I tugged tenderly as he hovered his lips over mine, exchanging his peppermint breath for my spearmint scented breath.

Adrian provided sponsorship and lustful satisfaction, Andres provided a convenient release of grief, but Matìas was different.

"Promise you won't run away?" His chiseled arm folded around my waist.

"I'm not going anywhere." I exhaled, locking in my promise with an anticipated kiss.

Matías cupped my cheeks, wiping the stream of tears I hadn't even realized were failing, making a gentle stain on my knee.

God, his lips tasted as sweet as the time before. I couldn't feel empty when I was under his touch -his care- because I actually wanted to be with him.

I snaked my leg over his waist as my hands crept over his tattooed chest. His fingers slid past the elastic of my shorts eagerly gripping my thighs, waiting for permission.

As I guided his hand to pull them off, he pulled himself out of his jeans, leaving us to savor the bare skin between us.

A burst of adrenaline shocked my system the moment I felt him. So different than what I was used to.

Our bodies symphonically duetted with every synchronized moment.

The waves crashing against the shore mimicked the the built up tension inside me as my chest rose and fell over him, breathlessly wanting to sink into this foreign feeling.

I entangled my desire with his, finally opening up- physically and emotionally.

Matías wasn't a lustful, convenient, selfish want.

He was good for me, and I needed him.

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