Eruri Oneshots

Oneshot #24

"Every breath you take."

———
Erwin counts.

One, two, three, four...

He has to count. Everything in their world is so temporary, even Levi, so he counts.

That is a thought that squeezes his chest to pain. The thought of losing the man he loves. Every breath he takes is so special, needs to be counted, because once they stop, Erwin's count will stop.

So he counts.

They never get lazy morning together because this is the fucking Survey Corps, no one gets a break. So on the nights Erwin persuades Levi to stay over, Erwin gets no sleep. He is too busy taking in every moment that Levi breathes. But he never minds it. Levi is too beautiful for Erwin to sleep instead of admire.

Erwin will admit (only to himself) that he counts the breaths during dinners after the exhibitions. Those are the numbers that mean most to him, right after they've defied death and watched countless others fail to do the same. To know he was lucky enough to see Levi in this intimate setting even after all of that is incredibly precious.

It's hard to count them when Erwin is busy undoing the other's clothes and kissing any skin he can, but the fact that Levi is alive and hot under him makes the guilt go away. Erwin can feel the heat of Levi's blood and watch him pant and sweat, so he can let it go easier. Besides, it's very hard to concentrate when they lie together.

Everything is so fragile and so unknown, but the one things Erwin is sure of is that Levi is alive. Though he deserves none of it, he has found himself with a beautiful man who makes him so happy.

So he counts.

Every breath is precious. He has seen this first hand. So many breaths cut short, digested in the belly of a wretched Titan. Lungs crushed. Hearts stop. Minds go dark.

But Erwin watches Levi's lungs work. Watches his chest rise fully, without restraint. Feels the constant rhythm of his heart, knows it's pumping blood to the vital parts of his body. Feels that pulse under his fingers, whether they're on Levi's chest or on his wrist, it's felt. It's known to Erwin that he is working and breathing and so alive.

Titans are unable to get him when he's in Erwin's arms. And that manages to steady him.

They're genuinely fools for having such childish love. At any moment, either one could be torn away from one another like a thread on a skirt. One swift swipe from a hand and that's it. Gone, forever.

But they would be even bigger fools to let each other get away.

One night, Levi catches Erwin in the act of watching him. The moon has risen, but Levi is simply sitting with a cup of tea as Erwin is meant to be finishing up his paperwork. But then Levi looks up and sees his lover staring, counting, and tilts his head.

"Old man, what are you doing?" He asks.

Erwin blushes. "Just counting."

"I didn't think you had budget paperwork left," Levi says.

"I don't. This is not budget stuff."

"Then what the fuck are you doing?"

"Just looking at you."

"I'm staying here late for you to stare at me? Fuck, I feel like a showgirl."

"You can always crash in my quarters. Not like you haven't done it before."

Levi hums. "I stayed here last night."

Erwin shrugs. "Two nights in a row isn't a crime."

"People will talk."

Erwin just smiles. "Let them."

Levi glances down at Erwin's tapping fingers and asks again, "Erwin, why are you counting?"

The commander looks at him straight in the eye. "To make sure you're still breathing."

Levi places down his cup. "That's terrifying."

But Erwin just laughs, looks back down to his work and says nothing else. Levi finds it infuriating.

"So you're just going to say that and finally shut up for the first time in your life?" Levi asks.

"I don't know what else you would like me to say."

"Maybe explain why you make sure I'm breathing."

Erwin holds up a finger, finishing the thoughts on his paper. Levi waits, without patience of course, and when Erwin sets the pen down, he perks up.

Erwin stands. "Because you breathing means you're alive, and I want to make sure you are. Because so many people around us no longer breathe, and I never want that to include you. Because it means you're safe, and that is something I wish to know of. I want to be assured you're mine."

Levi attempts to cover up his blush, "Fuck, you're such a sap."

Erwin smiles, satisfied, and looks back down at the papers on his desk to arrange them. "Ah, but you love this sap's ass."

Levi scoffs, admittance on his tongue that he refuses to say. He downs the rest of his tea and stands.

"If I find out you've been counting my breaths when you're knuckle deep in my ass, I'm never going to sleep with you again," Levi says, cleaning up the area he's in. Erwin laughs, setting aside the papers for his meeting tomorrow.

"Don't worry, I count after that," Erwin assures.

Erwin barely has time to look away to avoid Levi's glare.

———
sorry for the short chapter, but it comes with an exciting piece of news!

the first chapter of the surgeons au (featuring the entire crew!!!) "Scrub Into You" is now up!

here are some songs to celebrate:
-wasteland, baby! by hozier
-rumors by lizzo ft. cardi b
-like real people do by hozier
-womanizer by britney spears