Heartbroken (Lumity AU)

Unknown Thoughts

Chapter 8

Amity POV

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What's the purpose of life...?

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Guess there is no real answer...

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The only way is to open your eyes...even if it pains you

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I slowly open my eyes, getting blinded from light. Unlike my usual blindness caused by the sun, this one was from lights in the room. A pure white. I hear a tiny beeping noise, looking to my side, I realize it's a heart monitor. I hardly noticed it, honestly everything seems so quiet. I do wish it was louder though, I didn't want to think about the whereabouts of where I currently am, the hospital. Sure, I've been here from time to time, but this time it means that I wasn't successful, and I'm still living in this hell.

I sat in the quiet for a while, wondering how I even survived. From time to time I hear someone pass in the hall until the door opens. It appears to be a nurse and she quickly goes to get someone. Great, now I have to deal with people, I just want this to be over.

Soon I get greeted by someone, they ask me questions, none of which I cared much for. I remained quiet when questioned about how I got hurt, I knew mother wouldn't be happy if I explained in detail. My mind started to drift, how did I survive? Even if I survived the fall, there shouldn't have been someone near to take me to the hospital.

Eventually the doctor left, finally alone with my thoughts. Thinking about something is typically the worst but I still don't understand how I got here. I thought it all through. I would jump, and even if I was still alive, no one would be there to help. I should've died alone, died with no one else around, died without disturbing anyone. I guess nothing ever works out.

~~~

It felt like an eternity, sitting in the quiet. Occasionally I heard something but I spent a lot of time just in the quiet, quiet room. I felt like this would last forever until I heard the door open.

"Amity...", I didn't even need to look up to know who was calling me. My brother, Edric.

I didn't want to look up, I didn't want to see that look in his eyes. Would he be disappointed, sad? I just don't want to know. Is Emira going to be here too?

I kept my eyes down. Even if I look up, what would I even say? Can Edric guess what I did? If so, there's nothing more to say.

It goes silent for a bit then I hear footsteps coming to me. A chair gets pulled up to the side of the bed, and someone sits in it.

"So, um... do you want to tell me what happened?" Edric said, he sounded so sad. I wanted to say something, but there's no good way to put it. I didn't want to hurt my brother anymore than I already have.

"You can't stay silent forever...you have to say something eventually...", he said and when he did, I looked away a bit more. I knew he was right, but I didn't want to admit that to myself.

Edric stays silent, and I can feel his eyes directed right at me. He takes a deep sigh, I wonder what he's thinking right now. "Emira is going to be coming soon, just so you know. Also...do you remember anything after you... you know...fell?"

I still didn't want to respond. Honestly, I think I'm just being stubborn at this point. "Um, I remember that you said you were having some...issues with Luz...She actually was the one who brought you here..."

The second he said that, I no longer cared about being stubborn and not talking. I looked up at him and was shocked. "Luz? Is she here?", I say, slightly panicking. I can't deal with seeing her right now.

"She's sitting in the waiting room. I'm not sure if she's actually going to come." I feel my shoulders relax, I didn't even know they were tense. As much as I didn't want to see her, I knew that I would have to talk to her eventually. In my attempt to escape, I find myself close to her.

We hit a moment of silence. Neither of us know what to say. I spend this moment thinking. 'Should I see Luz..?' I doubt it would get bad, especially seeing as to how she found me and where we currently are. This might be the perfect time to talk.

"Can...Can you get her for me?" I said, making direct eye contact with my brother. He looked a little shocked, but he nodded his head and left my room.

Several moments later he comes back. I expect Luz to be right behind him but it isn't, it's Emira. Edric sits back down, grabbing a chair for Emira in the process. "Sorry, but it seems Luz doesn't want to see you..."

I wasn't sure what I was expecting. Who knows what's going on in that head of hers. "Did she..say why?"

"Not really, just that she can't bear to look at you right now."

Does she think this is her fault? Does she just not want to see me? Sometimes I wish I could read minds. A part of me wanted to go to the waiting room and ask her myself, but I obviously can't. Maybe I'll be able to talk to her when I've healed more. Maybe she'll eventually decide to talk to me.

~~~

Day after day, nothing. At first I kept my hope high. Though as days went on, I thought more and more that Luz didn't want to try and get a better relationship.

Edric and Emira visit me every other day, unless they get busy. Boscha visits occasionally when she can, but still no Luz. I have been told that Luz asks Edric and Emira about my condition. Luz seems to always be waiting for them at the hospital.

I'm getting discharged today and I have been so set on talking to Luz while I was here but maybe I should just put it behind me. Walk away from her.

Edric and Emira decided they wanted to take me home, which I'm thankful for. "You ready to go, sis?", said Emira.

"Yeah, I believe so", I said in response.

I walked between my siblings, which makes me feel more secure. Then I see it, the waiting room up ahead. Edric told me before that he saw Luz there earlier, so I keep my head down.

Finally reaching the waiting room, I took a quick glance, and I saw here, with an unreadable expression. I notice her start to look up so I quickly change my sight to the floor. I can feel her eyes on me as I make my way to the exit. 'Should I speed up? Slow down?!', I frantically thought to myself. Right before I reached the exit, I saw her stand up and rush to me on the corner of my eye.

"W-Wait!", Luz said, gently grabbing my forearm. I looked up at her, this will finally be the chance for me to understand a bit more about her.

I tried not to show any expressions on my face. I didn't want her to see how worried I have been that she hates me, that she blames herself for what happened. I didn't want her to see how much I just wanted to cry on her shoulder.

We kept eye contact for an unknown amount of time. Determination was written all over her face. She opened her mouth, and I was ready, ready to hear whatever she was going to say, I wanted to hear whatever she was going to say...

Then she closed her mouth. Her face no longer said determination, it showed uncertainty. 'Did she not even know what to say? What had she even been thinking about all this time that I've been stuck in a hospital bed? What is she thinking? Maybe walking away really is the best option.'

Luz looks down at the floor and lets go of my forearm, slowly, very slowly. She didn't want to let go, but she no longer had a reason to hold onto her and neither did I. Luz dropped her hand to her side and I walked away.

End-Chapter 8

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