𝙫𝙖𝙣𝙞𝙡𝙡𝙖 𝙨𝙪𝙣𝙙𝙖𝙚 | ᴋᴜʀᴀᴘɪᴋᴀ ᴋᴜʀᴛᴀ

It Always Happens Under The Tree

Journal Entry No. 12

I have always liked this guy from the next class. His name is Kurapika. He's a student council secretary and apart from that, he's also a top achiever in class. 

I heard he won the Inter-School Science Fair Competition lots of time and also just recently. Another thing that amazes me about him is he even has time for his track and field sports. Y'know, he's part of the track and field team. 

I think he runs? I don't know. I was never really interested in sports, but I came to know a little bit about the track and field because of him. 

I think he participates in those types of "run and jump on some hurdles" type of contest on the track? I'm not very good at identifying sports categories, but he always practices after school with the other athletes. Seems like a very unreachable guy, huh? 

Well, we were childhood neighbors. Yeah, just neighbors. Been neighbors for an incredibly long time. 

Went to the same elementary school, middle school, and then high school. I have watched him grow throughout the years. From the sidelines, of course. 

I don't really know how to approach him. The last time I did, he was like:

I mean he didn't exactly say no. I approached him once at the playground when we were both 6-year-olds. Wait, I think he was 7 during that time. 

Couldn't be too sure now. I have forgotten. All I remember was I was playing on the slides with the other kids. 

I saw him building a sand castle alone on the sand box. I thought he was such a pretty boy. I decided to come down from the slide and went to him. 

I asked if he needed some help, and he only stared at me and went back to building his sand castle. When I tried to help, he told me not to touch it. 

I felt pretty dejected. I guess I remember the scene so well because that was the first time I got rejected by a guy. I got rejected at the age of 6?! 

Barely even adult! Anyway, after that I got scared. I didn't want to be pushed away by him. 

I didn't like the feeling of rejection. I mean who would want to be rejected? No one! Not even idiots.

However, today I chose to be brave. It's our last year in high school. We'll be graduating soon and I haven't told him how I felt nor have I ever tried to get on with him.

A bit of a cheesy plan, but it's time for him to fall in love with me! Yes! He should!

I mean... I've liked him for so long now and I'm sick of just watching him from afar. It's time for me to make a move. I don't wanna waste the remaining year I have with him.

We all know that after high school, there are less chances of us being in the same university. I'm sure he's going to study in some university for really smart people. I am not dumb, I am actually vying to graduate with flying colors.

I have pretty grades to look at, but I know I am not exactly the smartest either. I get by. Just enough to pass, graduate, and be recognized in the school for a minute.

So... Okay, enough talk about me.

Today, I confessed to him.

He was sitting on some bench under the tree. Alone. He's always been sitting alone under that same tree.

It's not like he doesn't have friends either. Truth be told, he's popular around school. He's got plenty of friends, but his main squad consists of those Leorio-Gon-Killua guys. I don't know much, but those guys are pretty good at some things, too.

I braved myself and here's how it went:

I mean, he didn't exactly say no. And I definitely didn't just randomly blurt 'I love you' out of nowhere. That's weird and awkward.

So, I went up to him when there were less and less people around. It was quiet and windy. I think he was listening to some music because I can see earphones tucked inside his ear from afar.

When I came up, he looked at me and raised an eyebrow. Probably questioning why I was in front of him. I told him that I wanted to tell him something.

He was like: "Yeah, what is it about, Y/n?"

I was shocked because like... I didn't think he knew my name? Nevertheless, I didn't let that get into my head. He stood up and faced me. He put his earphones inside his pocket.

I was stuttering, and I didn't even speak yet. I don't know I felt like backing out, but somehow a thought crossed over to me. That if I didn't do this now, I might not be able to do it ever.

And I was like: "Kurapika..."

And he was like: "Hmm?"

And I was like: "I... I like you."

And he was silent after that. I didn't look up to him. I was embarrassed.

After what seemed like such a long pause, I swear to God, I think I heard some crickets somewhere. Do crickets live in trees?

He was like: "I'm sorry, but I don't like you that way."

And I immediately looked up to him. He smiled a little, but his eyes looked blank. 

Did I really think he'd like me after I confessed? What a dumb thought.

The school bell rang after that short confession. 

He was like: "Well, we should get back to class now."

And then left. I nodded and when he was out of my line of sight, I sat back down on the same bench I found him on. God!

Please swallow me. I don't want to live anymore.

If that's what I get for being brave, then maybe I should've just went to war!

However, at the back of my mind, I feel a little relieved that I was able to tell him about what I truly feel.

BUT!

BUT!

BUT!

I got rejected again!

BY THE SAME FUCKING GUY!

I'm... I'm depressed.

Anyway, that's all that really happened today. I didn't go visit the field to watch him practice like the usual. I wanted to get away. God.