Plastic Love || Glee

5x08 - Previously Unaired Christmas

It was a new week and it was also the week of Christmas. We were now all sitting in the choir room watching Mr. Schue write Green Christmas on the board.

"We're going green, guys." Mr. Schue comments.

"I refuse to give up my wig and weave-aerosolized luster spray!" Unique exclaims.

"Okay, you're fine, Unique. This year's theme for the 50th Annual McKinley Classroom Decorating contest is...Green is Good. Sam, Liz, Tina." Mr. Schue adds.

"All right, well, as seniors, Mr. Schue asked us to take over the, uh, decorating committee this year, so we're gonna need everyone's help in order to win this thing." Sam says.

"Oh, and we will win. Because first prize is an antique glass angel, hand-blown thousands of years ago. This holy glass ornament is said to have magical powers to bring good luck, and possibly a boyfriend or prom queen dreams to whoever she oversees. And that person will be me." Tina adds.

"Um, don't we all get to share the prize?" Artie asks.

"We're going au natural this year. We're gonna get pine cones, L.E.D. lights." I respond.

"Are we getting those from the L.E.D. bush out back?" Kitty asks.

"This is exactly the kind of in-fighting that will make us lose, and I'm not gonna stand for it. Guys, this is serious! Cancel your plans for the entire month. I don't want to hear about any of you caroling in nursing homes or feeding the homeless or giving toys to tots. Every waking thought will be spent figuring out how to win me that stupid angel. Got it?" Tina tells them.

"Well. Merry Christmas, everyone." Mr. Schue comments.

"Joy to the..."

"Shut up, Blaine!"

~~~~~~~

The next day we all sitting in a classroom because I guess we are a part of a Christmas club now.

"The McKinley High Non-Denominational Christmas Club meeting is now called to order. Vice President Artie Abrams has the floor." Coach Beiste annocunes.

"This Christmas club looks an awful lot like Glee Club." Leo comments.

"Nobody panic. But Principal Figgins just informed me that McKinley's outdoor manger scene has been defaced with swastikas and with Satanic symbols. And Baby Jesus was found stuffed down Figgins' chimney." Artie informs us.

"Oh, my God, that's horrible! Christmas is canceled!" Tina exclaims.

"Not quite yet, Tina. Figgins asked the Christmas Club to step in...and do a living nativity." Artie adds.

"Christmas is saved." Tina comments.

"And Artie and I have decided that Jake should play Joseph. I mean...Joseph was a darkly tanned Jew." Beiste mentions.

"Thank you?"

"I call dibs on arguably the most important female role in the history of the world. The Virgin Mary." Unique says.

"You can't. You're black, and you'd crush the donkey." Kitty comments.

"I can play The Virgin Mary," I mention.

"Oh please, nothing about you is virgin. And I won't be surprised if Marley gets the part, everything about her is." Kitty adds.

"I'm not a virgin," Marley says.

Everyone's eyes widen and Kitty just sits there surprised.

"That's a shocker. Everyone thought nobody tickled inside your musty, mildewed granny panties except for the family of crickets that nested in there." Kitty tells her.