WritingSins: An Educational Comedy

Angels & Outlaws (Ch 6. Mystery)

Suddenly, Storm urgently said, "Wait, where's Leon?"

[This is an extremely random plot point, and the reader has no reason to care about it because they have never met Leon. They will just sit back and sip their tea.]

+1

"But Leon's not here," Jetfire's eyes widened, realization flooding into him and the others.

"I'll go and try to fetch him...if he's here," Jason speedily said, got out of his chair, and dashed off out of the Great Hall.

"Our parents, war, our friends, and now Leon," Storm sighed exasperatedly, "Trouble seems to follow us wherever we go."

[The reader does not know about the "war" involvement, so they can assume that these teens were just having a nerf gun fight because of their consistently immature behavior.]

+1

"Who would be able to capture a Silencio, though? And all the family member's were here early...," Assassin's teeth gritted.

[Nobody explains what a "Silencio" is.]

+1

"What if Leon wasn't captured-," Alabaster started.

Jason dashed toward them, having completed his search. But Leon wasn't with him.

"Did you-," Storm began, but was interrupted.

Jason interrupted, "Leon's not in the palace."

[These morons should have figured out by now that it is impossible for Jason to have completed a full search of the palace in this short of a time, yet nobody questions him.]

+1

"Wait, what's going on?" Warrior asked.

"We can't find Leon," Storm asserted.

"Why is it so important to find him?" Wolf grumbled.

"If Leon isn't on the pedestal by twelve this morning , then the gravity is going to collapse," Storm responded.

["Gravity is going to collapse" is a dumb plot point, but these characters deserve to float into outer space.]

+1

Crystal, Stella, and Warrior all stared at each other, even Wolf, who now realized the dire urgency of the situation.

"Then we better find him!" Stella began to dash toward the doors of the great hall, but Storm grabbed her arm.

"I feel that something more sinister is into play. Let's go fetch Patience," Storm spoke.

"Why Patience?" Alabaster questioned.

"I feel he has something to do with this...Wait here," Storm zipped away.

[Storm's gut magically tells her what she has to do.]

+1

"Leon is missing, you say?" Patience spoke darkly, and turned to Wolf, Crystal, Warrior, and Stella, "You four stay here. Your lives will not be risked today."

"What?!" the four screeched in outrage.

[Again with the synchronous talking. Are these characters robots?]

+1

"We should go!" Stella retorted.

"Every minute counts. Do not waste them arguing with me. Stay here, while we go," Patience declared.