Love to Hate You: Three's a Crowd

Chapter Nineteen - Reflection

Rafe was not the only person existing in a state of "what the f*ck?". Whilst he slept at his mother's house and made periodic trips home to surreptitiously do laundry or leave parcels of wholesome food for Mattie and the boys, Xander questioned how he came to be cohabiting with a woman in a Georgian townhouse in Surrey – complete with washing machine and tumble dryer – instead of his luxury bachelor's pad in London. He'd had to purchase gym equipment in order to keep up his fitness regime (he had no intention of doing anything as plebeian as joining a commercial gym).

The only vacant room in the house which was large enough to accommodate bulky cardio equipment as well as large-footprint weight racks – whilst still having enough floor space for mat work – was the garage. He felt suddenly old and suffocated; his virile masculinity annexed to the almost-outbuilding, whilst the woman in his life filled what ought to have been his male space, with room diffusers, ottomans and Cath Kidston oven gloves. He very much feared that he'd soon wake up one morning with a sudden urge to buy a shed. And paint it.

He was disturbed even further by Amy's return from work some three weeks into their cohabitation, with her wavy red hair cut into a short bob. Not a shoulder-length one, but one that reached little further than her jaw. He took one look at it – having had no idea that she'd had a hair appointment booked – when he felt a gripping pressure in his chest, his breath coming laboured and tight. He took another perusal to note that he did not like her haircut, and then felt tension clawing down his throat, blossoming across his chest.

'I, er... Hello,' he said, wondering if he might have his very first panic attack.

'Hi,' she smiled, completely unsuspecting.

'Haircut,' he told her, rather articulately, considering he was on the verge of vomiting up his own esophagus.

'Yeah. Do you like it?' She flicked at her hair. Her short hair. As if to demonstrate its new bounce. He nodded dumbly.

'I thought I'd pop in on Vee,' Xander said, before all but running to the front door. Amy frowned at him in confusion. He had been very easy to live with so far, but at times he could be quite strange. This, it seemed, was one of those times. Still, he could be weird if he so wished. She knew he was still adjusting to the loss of his cable-pull machine, to their delivery of matching washer and tumble drier, and to the idea of curtains in reception rooms. What she did not know – because no rational person could ever predict such an irrational reaction to a relatively mundane haircut – was that when Xander got to Aunt Vee's shag pad, he would burst into tears.

'Whatever's the matter?' Aunt Vee gasped, as she looked into Xander's tormented face; cheeks wet and body panting. 'Is it the babies? Is Amy okay?' she pressed, as she ushered him into her living room.

'Yes,' he nodded. 'They're fine. She's fine.' If you could call a short bob which barely skimmed one's jaw "fine". Which he didn't think he could.

'What's wrong then?' She thought of Mattie; beside herself with grief – likely suffering some form of PTSD – and Rafe, cast out, because he'd enabled Peter Johnston's decomposition by filling his weekends with things other than his wife's reconciliation with her father. She thought of Rudy playing the stoic friend and doctor; the loyal cousin who quietly reassured Rafe, whilst promising Mattie that she was under no obligation to reach out to her husband if she wasn't yet ready. She thought of him ploughing his energies into helping his friends and family, whilst secretly battling with his feelings over his biological father's recent death. She thought of Vicky, juggling her own work with Mattie's – for the latter was in no fit state to complete administrative tasks for a pedant like Chris Colville. Of Ramona, who didn't want to take sides, but who desperately wanted Rafe and his wife to make up with one another. And then she thought of Tobias, who hadn't seemed himself since his Christmas showdown with Darcie.