𝚐𝚒𝚛𝚕 𝚘𝚏 𝚏𝚘𝚞𝚛

(𝐫𝐞𝐝𝐨) chapter 9 (reread)

me and my hectic story 🥰

𝐍𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐚𝐡'𝐬 𝐏𝐎𝐕 <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
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"We have school in 3 days , you ready ? " ezra said walking behind me , hands around my waist and kissing my neck , i turned around "very ! Im glad its only for one month though ."

"hey so what happened last week , you know with noah " 'yea' "i mean you were so .. submissive to him , does he scare you or something , youve never been like that , it took us by surprise ...and all he did was look at you so like are you ok , did anything happen? "

"yeah , im ok , nothing happened , i dont know why i did that." i asked

"Well ok , i believe you , just wanted to make sure you were ok and nothing was happening that made you scared or- it was just weird thats all " he said .

"hey, so remember 2 months ago ... the night of the halloween party ... when we thought you were lost, we went to serge n' everything, he yelled at us for losing you "

"oh , im sorry, i-" i put my hand on his arm for comfort .

"no not that , he said something that still has me thinking and i dont think anyone else heard ... he said 'not again' ... what did he mean " he question me , i tensed up , removing my hand from him and placing it on myself for my own comfort.

"well when everything happened back in australia with my dad , i met someone- in the psych ward, when i first met him , he was nothing like the old men or arrogant boys i was forced with , so i thought i was inlove with him , he told me all the right things, 'i was different....he's never been this happy with anyone .... i made him feel alive' amongst of other cliche stuff . But you cant really blame me , i had no guidance or no one to tell me to steer clear from guys like that, so i fell in love with him... the only difference was when i looked at him i loved him for him and i thought 'i wanna spend my life with this guy , he makes me feel safe and respected' he made me feel like i had a life again. But when he saw me , he saw another body to use, someone he could just fuck and leave , another virgin he could break into as apart of some sick self game that made him feel better. IT BROKE ME ... again . " I was a sobbing mess at that point and hadnt realized the others were behind me listening to me vent and tell my story.

"Nessiah i am-" luka tried to apologize but i dont need pity.

"then their was this girl , she made me feel everything, without even talking we instantly connected ... she was depressed for different reasons then me but she was just as broken as me , i was their for her and i felt like she needed me and i loved it. I was her sunshine but she was so broken before, that she fell inlove with the way i treated her and then eventually she didnt know how to handle how broken i was, in fact she stopped noticing how broken i was  because she thought i was as happy as her, i dont blame her i put up a good front , but their she was happy as ever because i made her that way and i stood their broken and then eventually that sadness turned into jealousy , anger and then i turned psychotic ... i hurt anyone she gave attention to , i was fighting all the time ... i was self destructing , i kicked the wall and then punched the mirror , i stood their bleeding and laughing , then started crying because when i looked in the mirror , i didnt recognized who was staring back at me. I loved her too much and she didn't realize it . she saved me and made me feel everything i could imagine but that didnt heal me , because she was tired of being sad and while i was addicted to the sadness , she got a taste of happiness and became addicted to the happiness and she didnt understand me anymore and their i was... left again " i looked up not even realizing i was still ranting , i felt like a 'pick me'

"im sorry- i- i dont know anymore and dont apologize i hate pity , so dont feel sorry . It happens " i wiped my tears and caught my breath .

"ok yea yea whatever- your broken- no pity- AHHH pft . YOU LIKE GIRLS !?!??" Ezra said and it made me laugh and i liked that he said that . Chris hit his shoulder and laughed .