The Gray Dancer

19. MISTAKES

EVEN TODAY, HANNA MADE HER WAY TO THE DANCE STUDIO AFTER WORK. Oddly enough, she began to look forward to visiting the dance studio. It felt like the home she never had, a place of comfort. Everyone at the studio seemed like family to her now, all of them giving Hanna support she had never received before.

Roy's cheery welcoming and dancing with Derrick always seemed to be the highlight of her day.

When Hanna had made it to the dance studio after work, both Derrick and Hanna began by stretching to warm up as usual before breaking into the individual parts of the choreography. Derrick usually did his own thing, while Hanna did her own. They didn't consult each other unless they needed help.

At first, everything had gone well. They seemed to be working fine, rarely needing each other's guidance. Everything appeared to be under control, not a sign that anybody required any sort of help. Until Hanna noticed something, she wished she hadn't while revising the initial choreography again.

A mistake.

The one thing Hanna couldn't stand was a mistake. Mistakes reminded Hanna of her every fault, bringing life to Hanna's struggles. She couldn't have made a mistake now of all places. Not this early in the dance.

Hanna couldn't believe it. She had revised this step a while back; everything had been perfect then.

Why was she making a mistake now?

Hanna clenched her jaw, unable to believe herself. She had no choice but to ready herself again to repeat the step with the rhythm, afraid to make another mistake.

Hanna peered at her reflection in the mirror, carefully observing her every movement as she repeated the same step she had messed up last week. Her eyes followed the piercing mirror image of her as she turned slowly, raising her arms with the beat.

"Shit."

Blatantly displayed in the mirror was her mistake. If only she didn't turn as slowly as she did, she would've been in synchrony with the beat. Hanna groaned, taking in another deep breath. She couldn't make a mistake this early in the dance. How would that seem? If she messed up now, Hanna would surely mess up later. She would make a far worse mistake if she couldn't keep up with the beat now.

She couldn't fail Derrick like this. He had so much hope in her. Even Hanna didn't believe in herself as much as he believed in her.

Hanna gave it another try, holding her breath as she tried to repeat the step to the beat. This time, she paid careful attention to her starting position and mimicked the motions before she started. She couldn't be struggling on a step for over two weeks now. What would that say about her?

Hanna let the music replay again, staring at the mirror in front of her. Once the beat dropped, she began again. Allowing her body to flow to the rhythm.

As she watched herself in the mirror, the same mistake came across her eyes. The very same one she had tried to avoid slipped by her view. She hated it so much. Hanna hated not being able to be perfect, making mistakes that no one else did. Derrick didn't struggle with this part. So why did she?

Hanna bit her lip, shaking her head back and forth in distaste. Anger slowly rose within her. Her eyelids almost flared, thinking of the mistake she made again. Why was it only her?

Her thoughts began to ruminate, and Hanna couldn't keep them under bay. She couldn't stop them from starting chaos. She needed her mind to stop. She couldn't do this. Not if she failed this much.

Hanna's anxious eyes darted over to Derrick.

"I really can't do this, Derrick." Hanna grabbed at the ends of her hair, "I'm just making mistakes."