The Gray Dancer

48. PURPLE

MONTHS PASSED BY QUICKER THAN HANNA HAD EXPECTED. Days turned into weeks which turned into months, all in what seemed to be a second. Before she knew it, the competition had nearly arrived. Hanna didn't notice her life moving on. Maybe because she had been so invested in dancing that she didn't feel the days pass by?

She didn't know if it was because she tried so hard to make sure every bit of the choreographed dance was perfect. She made sure every spin and twirl would match the beats just as Derrick had wanted. She perfected the dance the way Derrick would have liked it to end out, keeping everything he had choreographed too. She only modified it just so she could do the entire stage alone.

Hanna frowned as she remembered Derrick again. Each time she had thought things had gotten better now, every time a memory of him resurfaced, Hanna couldn't stop herself from freezing, her heart aching from a memory of him. She couldn't stop the pain from coming back stronger.

Hanna didn't do much these days. Her life had been stagnant, going to work before running to the dance studio. Except now, there was no hurry to go to the studio. Derrick didn't wait for her anymore. She didn't need to try to get there before him.

Hanna's eyes darted over to her calendar, a light smile forming over her lips, seeing that tomorrow was the day she had been preparing for.

If only Derrick could perform with her too. Everything would be perfect then.

Hanna had decided to follow Derrick's philosophy today. She wouldn't practice at all, taking some time to rest. Hanna didn't know why his words impacted her so much. His comments still wouldn't leave her mind, even after all this time. Hanna couldn't forget his philosophies, his ideologies. They seemed to resonate just as strongly as when he talked to her and shared his wise words.

Hanna had only one thing she wanted to do today.

All she would do is travel to meet Derrick. She'd revisit him, gazing into the star-lit sky to find him. Hanna wanted to talk to him, even if he couldn't hear her. She tried to hope that maybe he'd listen to her as she shared everything.

Hanna didn't waste too much time doing some housework before returning to the sofa. She spent a few hours with the comfort of the couch before heading off to meet Derrick again, as she had been doing so every week.

It didn't take her long to get ready at all, only needing to pick up the purple clematis flowers from her dining table. She had ordered them this morning, making sure to get Derrick's favorite flowers for him. She knew how much he admired and loved them, cherishing the deep purple flowers with his life at once.

Hanna left her apartment shortly after, making her way onto the streets of San Francisco. Today, thoughts didn't chatter meaninglessly in her mind, unlike usual. Over the last few months, the voice that once controlled her dimmed down. It didn't fade away completely, but it lessened, taunting her less and less.

Hanna seemed to be able to finally dictate her own life.

It didn't take her long to reach the cemetery, the excitement to see Derrick again growing. His grave was on the far end of the tiny cemetery, located right next to his mother's.

All she wanted to do was talk to him, tell him everything that had happened last week, and tell him about tomorrow. Hanna stood in front of his grave, holding the flowers close to her chest as she whispered.

"I'm going to compete tomorrow, Derrick." Hanna mumbled, hoping he'd hear him, "I hope you'll watch our performance tomorrow."

Hanna let out a small sigh. Even as she stood in front of his gravestone today, holding his favorite flowers, Hanna couldn't move on—not completely. Derrick had always meant so much to her that even now, she couldn't smile as she once did.