The Gray Dancer

46. PERSEVERANCE

HANNA SPENT HER MONDAY EVENING LIKE ANY OTHER WEEKDAY. Except for today, she planned to go to the dance studio, ready to give dancing one more try. After spending time in the dance studio yesterday, she decided to try to dance again. Hanna knew Derrick would've wanted her to continue living her life, dancing for the competition, even if he wasn't by her side.

He would've wanted Hanna to dance.

And Hanna would dance for him.

Hanna would do her best to fulfill the dreams they both had. She'd do her best to dance on the stage, trying her hardest to honor their promises. She would cherish Derrick's memory forever, dancing in a way he'd be proud of her.

Even though she continued to dance for him, Hanna couldn't stop the pain in her heart from returning at the mention of his name. She couldn't stop the frequent streaming rivers that escaped from her eyes in pure regret, nor could she stop the anger she had at herself for making a mistake she would forever regret.

Had Hanna done one thing differently that day, he would've been with her forever. They wouldn't have left each other's side as they aimed to reach their dreams together, starting with the competition just a few months away. Derrick and Hanna would've been preparing for that together, practicing until they were content.

Hanna's fists balled, slouching over her desk as she restrained an angry groan. She pulled at her raven hair, clicking her tongue as she remembered how much Derrick loved her hair. It had grown even longer now but much more shriveled and damaged than before. Her hair had lost its glossy shine as it fell now waist length.

"It's all your fault, Hanna." Her thoughts came back to haunt her, "It's all because of you."

Hanna didn't bother fighting back, letting her thoughts torture her with the truth. She knew it had been her fault. If she had just made sure he was safe before rejoicing or never let him leave Hanna's apartment in the first place, wouldn't things have been different?

Hanna winced, letting her eyes squeeze shut as her stare drifted back to her laptop. She hated living like this, having nothing else to do besides following the same routine every day, going to work, and returning to her quiet apartment. At least today, she had the dance studio to go to after work.

For now, though, Hanna had nothing else to do besides completing her usual office work, accounting at her desk job. She had no choice but to work, needing some way to pay for her bills. She had to pull through at least until the grandfather clock ticked at four.

Hanna let time pass by, completing her work as she usually did. She waited until the hours passed by, doing what she needed to do to make her bed and butter.

It didn't seem like much time passed before her small wristwatch flashed four. Maybe it was because Hanna had been slightly excited to dance today, using it as a way to let go of all her emotions.

Once the time on her watch became four, she knew she needed to run to the dance studio. It became almost an instant for her to start packing up her stuff, regardless of whether she had to go to the dance studio or not.

Hanna found it an excuse for her to leave early, not that she did anything at her apartment anyway.

Unlike usual, Hanna needed to go to the dance studio today. She wouldn't be heading to her apartment straight after working. She found it a bit strange, not used to going to the dance studio after work. It had been a few weeks since she headed off to the dance studio at four.

In fact, it seemed a little nostalgic to her, the memories of those times flooding her mind again.

Usually, she'd change before she headed out of her workplace in an attempt to get to the dance studio before Derrick. Hanna strived to reach the dance studio at least one minute before him when they had practiced together. Her only goal was to make it there before him, to tease him just once, but it never seemed to work out in her favor.