The Gray Dancer

49. SLEEP

HANNA SLEPT FOR THE FIRST TIME IN A WHILE. She slept properly for the competition today, being able to close her eyes and drift off to sleep.

Often Hanna couldn't sleep, her eyes unable to close as her thoughts raced. Her thoughts would chatter, as usual, mumbling and muttering things Hanna didn't want to hear. She wouldn't be able to quiet her mind to close her eyes long enough to fall into a deep slumber, but yesterday she did. She fell asleep for what seemed to be the longest amount of time last night.

After talking to Derrick, she could close her eyes, a swift slumber taking her over as she collapsed into her bed. It didn't happen to her often as of lately, especially not after Derrick had left. Hanna didn't realize she had fallen asleep until her phone screeched into the silence of her room. It wasn't until her alarm shrieked of pain did Hanna's eyes snap open.

At first, Hanna wanted to go back to sleep, dragging the covers over her. She wanted to snooze the alarm by slamming her hand on her phone to sneak a few more minutes of sleep. She wanted to hide in the comfort of the bed, too, anything to secure more hours of sleep. It wasn't often she could sleep so peacefully, a sweet slumber taking over her for the entirety of the night.

Until she remembered the date.

Hanna jolted upright, rubbing her eyes at once. She couldn't be late today, having no choice but to wake up. Hanna groaned, wanting to sleep a bit longer, but the urgency of today was far more important than sleep for her. She blinked a few times, letting her eyelashes bat against her eyelids to wake herself up. Only then did reality settle in for her.

She had slept.

Hanna fell asleep, her eyes closed, and she got the rest she needed. She couldn't believe it, her lips upturning as she pushed the covers away from her. Hanna knew she had more than enough time to get herself ready, but she wanted to finish as soon as possible to get to the park early with some time to spare. Just like their last performance, hers happened to be around the same time, mid-evening as one of the last performances.

Hanna got up from her bed, looking at her curtains. The sun had only just begun to shine as Hanna opened her curtains, leaving her bed. She started with her usual morning routine, doing what she did every day before getting ready for today. Now, Hanna could progress more with her life, having the energy to follow her routine and get out of bed. She could do most things that she had been doing before Derrick had left.

Things slowly got better.

Her heart didn't crack just to move.

Hanna made her way to her living room after completing most of her morning routine, a little bit of boredom settling in. She had hours before she needed to be at the Golden Gate Park, more than enough time for her to get ready. As her thoughts continued to spiral out of control, Hanna's glance fell to her door just a few feet away, staring at the dark wood.

As she stared at it, Hannah couldn't help but wish her doorbell would ring again, just like it rang for the first competition. She couldn't help but wish Derrick would be there at her door, early as usual. She wished Derrick would sit on her couch, waiting until she got ready to drive them both to the Golden Gate Park.

She wanted things to return to the way it was, even though she knew it wasn't possible anymore.

Hanna had slowly begun to come to terms with life, not completely, but enough to have the energy to wake up from her bed. As the months passed, the pain seemed to lessen, the ache in her heart not stabbing her as much.

Hanna didn't louse around that much anymore, nor did she stay confined to her sofa as she once did. She was ready to move around her apartment, go to work, or to the dance studio. Hanna had begun to crawl through life. Maybe not walk just yet, but she would be there soon.