Destiel soccer

I dont wanna live

*it's really dark and it has self harm and suicidal thoughts and more. So don't read if it will trigger you*

*1 month later*
 
I was really happy with Cas. We have become closer. Dan had found a girl friend. I thought he was happy to I found out what really was happening. He came to me one night. It was in the middle of the night. I went sleepy up and opened the door. Dan was walking away regretting coming. “Dan?” I asked sleepy. Dan stopped. He turned and looked at me with a sad look an tears down his face. “Dan what’s w-wrong?” I asked worried walking out towards him. “I-i..i-i d-do-on-nt w-w-wa-n-n-na-a b-b-e a-a-al-lo-on-ne-e" Dan said about to cry. It worried me. I hugged him. “of course you can sleep in the sofa" I said softly rubbing his back softly. Dan hugged me back. Cas came and helped me get Dan in. He closed the door. I got a blanket for Dan. I didn’t wanna leave him seeing he wasn’t okay so I fell asleep beside the sofa. Cas but a blanket over me. He went to bed. The next day I asked Dan what happened and he broke down saying his girlfriend told him how worthless and disgusting he was. It broke my heart he got in to a another bad relationship and it was even worse. I told Dan he could stay if he wanted. We went and played soccer game. Dan looked less sad. It confused me but I tried to just think it was him feeling better. Maybe it wasn’t as bad as he said it was.
 
Dan didn’t come this night. I saw him the next day and he looked okay. So I took it as Dan maybe feeling overwhelmed the one night. I was glad he came anyways. I don’t want him to be alone in pain.
 
Dan's pov
 
The one night when I went to Dean my thoughts was really dark after my girlfriend had put me through hell over a long time and she ended up braking up with me. I didn’t show that I was hurt to Dean or anyone. I didn’t wanna bother them with my problems. That’s why Dean had no idea. My thoughts went a horrible way when I was left alone after she left. I started to want to kill my self to get the pain away. I still had some of me that didn’t wanna do it. I didn’t wanna hurt Dean. I knew he would be heart broken if it happened. But I was to worried I would hurt him if I told him how I felt. I just didn’t say why I really came. I tried to force my self to feel better. It didn’t work. It started again and I started to think about wanting it all to end and that the right way was to kill myself. That I was just bothering people with my emotions and problems. I started to think it was right. I panicked when I was starting to really feel like killing my self. I went to Dean’s apartment again. I was nervous. I didn’t know how he would feel about it. He let me in and told me I could lay on the bed. He was tired he went back to bed. I felt like I was pathetic for waking them up. I was just bothering them. I started to shake. I was really not okay. I was in such a dark place. I started to cry in silence. Hugging my self. I passed out after barely breathing and my head hurting. I woke up later of Dean making breakfast. I felt bad for bothering them. I got my self up and said sorry for waking them up and left. I was so dark in that I almost cried just thinking about being alone with my thoughts. Dean was confused and worried for how I just went out. I walked away. I just got to the car and broke down crying. I drove to a motel and stayed there. I didn’t wanna be to long from Dean. I was starting to think killing my self would be better and Dean would be fine. I was just bothering him. He had Cas he doesn’t need me. I started to cry again. I hated all of this. I cried to I passed out again. I woke up hours later by Dean calling me. Saying the game was starting in 20 minutes and he was waiting on me. Thinking we could play some before it started. I sat up and got the courage to get out. I got my self together and pretend like nothing and I did forget for some seconds. Me and Dean walked out and Dean went home. I didn’t wanna be alone again but this time I didn’t go to Dean. I went home and I got a blade and put it against my skin. Tears dropping down my face to my arm. I was shaking. I closed my eyes. I let the thoughts talk me in to it. I was shaking so bad. I started to cut my self but stopped. I broke down crying. What am I doing came in to my head. Some of me didn’t want me to do it. I want to have a happy life. I feel like I just make problems. I will take away so much problems from Dean if I do this. I thought about it again and I took the blade back and I cut deep down in my wrist. It started to bleed fast. I cut my other wrist. I leaned against the bathroom wall. I cried more but it was in silent. The tears fell down my face. The blood went out of my wrist fast. I was losing blood fast. Dean called me. I looked at the phone. I thought if I should talk to him. I ended up with that I wanted to write something but I was to weak when I tried to move. I closed my eyes and some more tears went down. I regretted not writing anything. But this was better Dean doesn’t need to be bothered by me anymore. Dean called again. I was slowly passing out from blood loss. Dean got worried when I didn’t answer because I always did when he rang. I would tell him if I couldn’t talk. He tracked me down from the app where he can see my location. He went to the motel. He broke in when I didn’t answer he had with him Cas. He was worried sick for me. When he found me. He felt like his whole world was crashing down. His eyes started to tear up and tears went down his face. He froze. Cas walked in and made a sad look. He went to me to check my pulse. I was still alive. Just barely. Cas told Dean. Dean was shaken up. The ambulance came and helped and Dean went with me in the car. Dean didn’t leave my side. I went in to a coma. Dean didn’t go an play soccer he just didn’t feel like it at all. He didn’t wanna leave my side. I was in a coma for 2 weeks. Cas came after work and stayed with Dean comforting him. Making sure he ate and took care of himself. He was torn apart from what I did to my self. I was starting to wake up. Dean was alone sleeping beside me. He had his head on my arm. I woke up slowly. I looked at Dean. I felt horrible. He looked like a mess. “Dean?” I asked low. He didn’t move or answer. I felt bad for doing it I regretted it. Some minutes later Dean woke up and moved but didn’t look at me. “D-De-" I said but Dean reacted before I finished and jumped at me hugging me tight. I hugged back. He let go. Tears already going down his face. “why would you do that?? You know how much you mean to me?? You scared the funking shit out of me. I-i-i n-n-ne-ev-v-er-r w-w-wa-an-n-nt-t-ted t-t-to-o s-s-se-e t-t-th-ha-at" Dean said sad and hurt starting to cry. I started to tear up. “i-i-i a-a-am-m s-s-so-or-r-ry" I said sad feeling bad for hurting him. “w-why d-did y-you d-do i-i-it?” Dean said crying. I was crying too. “i-i-i...i-i-i c-c-co-ou-ul-ld-dnt f-fi-ig-gh-ht i-i-it" I said crying. Dean hugged me tight. I hugged back. “I w-will always be there for you" Dean said hugging me tight. “i-i-i k-k-ko-ow-w" I said trying to stop crying. “why didn’t you come to me when?” Dean asked rubbing my back softly. “I-i-i f-f-fel-lt-t l-li-ik-ke i-i-i..i-i w-wo-ou-ul-ld j-j-ju-us-s-st p-p-pu-ut-t m-m-my-y p-p-pro-o-b-blem-ms-s o-o-on-n y-y-o-o-u" I said crying. “You don’t bother me if you come wanting comfort. I don’t want you to be alone. I don’t want you to be alone with your thoughts when it takes you in to hurting your self. Pls never do it again and if you feel the way come to me tell me and I will help. Never keep it to your self again pls. I don’t or can lose you. You mean to much to me” Dean said sad. “i-i-i a-a-am-m s-s-so-o-r-ry-y" I said crying. Feeling horrible for what I did to him. “just come to me pls. And pls let me help you. Help you get help so you can feel better" Dean said sad and caring. I nodded. I calmed down eventually and fell asleep. After I woke up again some hours later we went to a therapy lesson. Dean waited out side for me. It meant a lot. When I was done I got medications and went to Dean. We went and played some soccer. I took the pills. I felt the effect some days later. I felt better. Dean had made a schedule for me and him to play soccer. I was happy to get distracted. I felt better. I eventually found someone. She treated me how I deserve. I felt a lot better. I talked up about what happened and fans of me was happy I talked about it. I was happy. We are all happy.
 
Thank you so much for reading💗