'Beyond the Horizon': There's more to it...

Chapter - 15

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'Shehnaaz,

Baby, I know it would be hard on your part to decide on anything right now. I know there's a lot to think and handle before we can come to a conclusion. I am not asking you to dwell deep into it and answer my last letter for now. No pressure at all, believe me. You just have to tell me if you, by any mean, liked my company as much as I did yours and would be willing to stay here, when given a chance, just for the sake of spending your time with me.

I only wanted a confirmation that it wasn't only me getting affected but you too were, with the same intensity of emotions. I can't put a finger on what I feel for you but know that you are special, very special.

Don't answer it if you don't want to, take your time for that. I swear I am not bringing it again if you are not comfortable to talk it out but please meet me once. At least talk to me... I am dying here, to listen to you... to see you once... to hold your hands...please call me once before you leave...please...I beg of you!

-Sidharth'

A silent tear drop falling on the sheet of paper which she frantically but with great care, rubbed off using the hem of her kurta so that the ink doesn't gets dissolve with it. It was much more of a value to be losing a single alphabet with a sour water drop. With a chance to re-visit the momentous time back in those days and to perceive his plight through this letter was something un-imaginable to Shehnaaz. This was as dear to her as her own life as she hugged it tight and cried silent tears. She was in an unfathomable guilt as she read it on. She had missed on to something so precious, only if she would have got to read it on time, she could've met him. Now that it's been two whole years that she did not get to see his live form, she is dying to go back to the time and live each day sitting beside him on the very same classroom desk with his hands playing with her fingers and them sitting in blissful silence for the most part of it.

Provided she was not distracted, inattentive and in her escapism zone in response to his previous letter, she could have lived the priceless opportunity to have him by her side. To celebrate his touch, to feel his caress and graze on her palms. Just the thought giving her horripilation of pleasure followed by a longing to be with him. Alas, it was not happening now or anytime soon. With no idea of even what the future holds for them, she felt defeated. Beaten by destiny and her own wits, she had a clear chance to meet him the day, but she had indirectly dismissed the very prospect, letting it go while contemplating something that was not in her hands, nor his.

The distance, too much to bear suddenly. And the inadmissible, causing her shed tears of culpability. How would he have felt then, she thought? The conviction was painful, considering herself on his shoes she could only cry, thinking about the pain he had to go through. He had indeed endured a lot, still standing by, and looking for her in these two plus plaintive years. Respect for him was now ten folds in her eyes. The adoration at par. He was the best she could've ever got. But would she be able to ever meet him again? Or even talk, considering she does not have his changed number. She wanted to apologize with all her heart to have caused the distress in his life that she could hear when she first spoke to him. If only she could have secured his number or noted it down somewhere, she slapped her forehead in disappointment and frustration.

Hiding her head in between her knees and crossed arms over them, hiccups dying down slowly, she was drowned again into this feeling of nothingness. The vacuum in her life that no one knows 'when' it would be filled but the 'how' had its answers with her. Her Sidharth! Her endgame. The resolution and conclusion to her. Inception of a blissful life that she is dreaming of nowadays.

"Sana...oye!" It was Shifa tapping onto her shoulder to check on her.

"Kya hua terko? Aankhein kyun sujayi hui hai tune haan?" She asked witnessing her haywire state.