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I think it's a good time for me to let you know precious momma ain't even die of natural causes. Went to visit her and seen she was getting better, sucks a nigga accidentally pulled that cord.
That part rang through his head like a siren, over, and over, and over again. He stared at the baggie of drugs sitting right in front of him just above his steering wheel, his mind having an internal battle that he was afraid the logical side of himself was losing. Inhaling the smoke of his blunt in slowly, he turned his head to the side to exhale out of the cracked window.
He needed the fix desperately, but he also couldn't bring himself to pick it up and drastically take so many steps back. Not after the progress he'd made, knowing his mother nor Cassia would be proud of his actions. Shaking his head, he picked it up to throw out of his window, watching as it plopped down into the lake he was parked up next to.
Glancing over at the time, he seen 444, a number he'd been seeing constantly but didn't know the significance of. Opening his car door he slowly got out, the sky dark with the only sounds heard being that of the crickets and the owls outside. He smiled lightly at the sounds, remembering a time when he was younger, way before his life took a psychotic change, when he would enjoy going out at night just to listen to all the sounds. He would do it with his mom all the time, she even used it as a comforting tactic when he felt like he was losing his mind.
Leaning up against the hood of his car, he stared up towards the sky while allowing the smoke to intoxicate his lungs again. "...I miss you a lot." He started off, adjusting the dark shades over his eyes before continuing. "I'm so sorry, so so sorry I wasn't there to protect you the way I promised you I would had I continued on doing this shit. I would say I hope you proud of me, but I know you aren't. But I promise you I really have been trying, shit just isn't ever easy, not that I expect it to be but you know what I'm talking about." He shook his head, taking another pull from his blunt.
"I wish you was here still- you supposed to be here still. You was supposed to meet your other grandchildren...those kids really my everything. Sometimes I be thinking I'm failing them, but it's crazy to think about the way they all unique in their own ways. I blame myself for some of their mental issues though, but Cassia be telling me not to." He laughed lightly at the thought of the many arguments they'd had about that.
"There's Crystal...the oldest obviously that you already met. But she's grown into such a beautiful and smart little girl, I'm so grateful she got the mother figure I know Renae could've never been to her. You would think she came straight from Cassia from the way they clung to each other from day one, wouldn't be able to guess they met 5 years into Crystal's life. She's so special, the first one to keep me grounded." Cepheus smiled, before placing the blunt back between his lips.
"Then Camree...my second oldest. I remember you used to tell me to marry Mariah and what not, unbeknownst to the hell I put her through, just like with Cassia. I never expected to have that girl back in my life, especially not with a child. She hated me so bad when we first got reacquainted...but that's my lil nigga nowadays, her gay ass." Cepheus snickered, every time he talked about it he found it funny.
